Lost

Make it stop.

"Make it stop, please make this pain stop", I whisper this to myself over and over again, begging myself to be strong. I can't do this anymore, live with this constant pain. I walk into the bathroom and take out an assortment of pills. I stare at them all longingly contemplating which ones I should take to end it all. I come the conclusion I should just make a concoction of them all. I take the pills into my room and start writing a note. I don't put much thought into it just thinks like "I'm sorry I had to be like this" and "I love you so much never blame yourself". What my mind is really focused on is not living with this pain anymore. I tape the note to my shirt and take all the pills and fall asleep.
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"Beep. Beep. Beep". That's all I hear over and over again. I wake up and it all comes back to me. The pain, the pills, the note, everything. I feel my eyes becoming heavy when I realize that I'm in a hospital and not dead. I lift my head and look around, there is a nurse looking at charts that hasn't realized I have waken up yet. "Hello?" My voice slightly breaks when I try to choke words out. She looks at me like I have two heads. "You're at Tacoma Hospital after a suicide attempt. Can you tell me your name?"
"Cara. Cara Robles."
"Okay." I turn over and try to go back to sleep and numb the pain for awhile.
When I wake up again my mom is sitting in the chair holding my hand with her head down. I don't know if she's awake or not so I just sit there in silence. Another nurse came in. She looked at me with pitty in her eyes. "Hey Cara, we are going to have you meet with a therapist. Is now a good time?" Everyone is being so nice to me now, it's weird. "Yeah, I guess"
I get up and follow the nurse. I had many tubes hooked up to me so it was a little hard walking with the cart holding them and I had an excruciating headache. I guess that's what happens when you try and kill yourself and fail.
The therapist looked nice. She was tall and had beautiful brown curled hair. I sat down awkwardly and stared into her deep blue eyes. She broke the silence by saying "I understand you tried to kill yourself. I know it will be hard to talk about it right now but it will really help you if I know as much as possible." She kept nodding her head and it was starting to really bother me. I just cried and cried and cried the entire session. She just looked and me and nodded. At the very end I finally said "I just wanted the pain to stop I didn't know any other w-way." My voice kept cracking because of the incessant tears. They were hot and rolling out of my eyes twice the speed of before. "I'm going to prescribe something that will calm you down, you can go back to your room if you want I'll call the nurse"
    When I walked back into my room and my mom was gone but there was a note on the bed. It's said, "sorry sweetie, hope you're doing a little better. Work called. You know the drill." My mom is a surgeon so her hours are pretty unpredictable. I just thought she might stay so I don't have to be alone with my thoughts, even if it was just for 20 minutes. It's not even like she cares. No one does, I don't even know why she brought me here. I decide to take another nap. Maybe this time I won't wake up.