Esoteric // h.s

tre

Bloodsport '15 - Raleigh Ritchie

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My heart was beating out of my chest as I hopped out the car my dad had gotten for me. Legs feeling like nonexistent jelly from the almost 7 hour long flight, and head pounding from the overthinking and lack of sleep I had gotten.

The tattoo shop sat in front of me, teasing me. Was I really going to do this?

I didn't let myself think about it again. I had already thought about it over the entire flight, called the shop to set up and appointment, and copied the part of the letter I wanted onto a separate sheet of paper with shaky hands and teary eyes.

Walking in I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The small dark area should've made me feel uncomfortable and a little scared, but it'd had come to the point where I found comfort somewhere small with the least amount of confrontation. My socially skills had basically disappeared in the last seven months.

Looking around I sat in a chair by a table cluttered with designs. I'm not sure how long I was sitting there, my tracking of time is nonexistent when I zone out.

"Oh I didn't know anyone was here, I'm sorry" a deep voice interrupted me. I'm assuming it was the man from the phone, well I thought he was a man but now that I'm here he looks like a 17 year old boy. He was very tall, reminding me of Jonah. He always towered over me.

I stood up and walked over to the front desk.

"It's no trouble I didn't mind. I'm very patient" I say swiping my hair behind my ear. It was a large wavy disaster from the airport but I couldn't care enough to get a brush out of my suitcase from my car and pull it through the tangled mess.

"Um alright then... Are you Althea from the phone call" he asks while he pulls out a large book with dates and appointments.

"That's me." I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb, this tiny girl in a dark tattoo shop. But I was tougher then I looked and the lingering looks I got from the boy didn't bother me.

"Ok you can just.. Um... you can just go back and Jake will set you up and do your tattoo" he says as he slides the book back and fidgets around. He seems very nervous...

"Alright thank you...." I stop waiting for his name.

"Oh it's Harry.... My name is Harry."

"Ok thank you Harry." I shoot him a quick small smile before heading to the back for my tattoo.

I remember going with Jonah to get matching tattoos, we had both gotten a pair of angel wings I had drawn. He got them on a larger scale and every time he took his shirt off he looked like the angel that I saw from my perspective to everyone else. I had gotten them on a smaller scale, too scared of the pain but didn't want to chicken out. I wanted the same ink on my skin that Jonah had.

Since I took so long to trace the writing the handwriting was almost completely identical. It only took about 15 minutes. I got our saying in his writing between the wings. I savored the sting, it took my mind off the emotional pain I had been feeling.

They say the first year is the worst after loss. I can agree with that. They also say it gets better with time. Why isn't it getting better?

I was interrupted when the tattoo artist, Jake, told me he was finished. I didn't bother looking at it here because I knew I would just start crying again and I really don't want to in front of a stranger. Shrugging my sweatshirt on over the tender skin I reached into my bag and pulled out 150$. Handing it to him I grabbed my bag and left, giving him a small thank you.

Getting into my car I started the engine and began to pull off when I heard my name being yelled. I turned the car off and rolled down my window to see the boy, Harry I think, running towards my car.

"You overpaid. A lot" he said a little out of breath. I couldn't help smile a little at him. When someone overpays people usually they just keep the money and go on with their day.

"It was only 20$. You gave us 150$" he says confused. I knew my tattoo was small but 20$ is extremely cheap.

"Just keep it Harry. He did a good job" I say. I'm so jet lagged and hungry and if this boy does not move in the next minute I'm going to run him over.

"He said you didn't even look at it." I sigh and push my hair back before starting my car again.

"Im taking his word for it. Really Harry please just take it, I'm really tired."

He steps back and mumbles a small ok before moving back to the sidewalk. I drive off leaving the tall confused boy behind me, as I try to find my new dwelling without getting lost in the unfamiliar London streets.

***
It took only a good twenty minutes to get home. Driving on the other side of the road confused me and it took a lot of concentration and focus so I didn't crash.

The ride was peaceful, and my mind felt at ease for the time being. My thoughts didn't wander to that day and for once, just for a minuscule amount of time, I didn't carry both Jonah's pain and mine on my shoulders. The ride was untroubled, undisturbed.

The house was everything I had expected from my father. He was the type of man who loved to showcase his hard work and success through material gains. When my mother was alive he didn't hesitate to spoil her every second, he loved her more than anything and she had been with him when he had nothing. Now that she was gone he had moved it on to me and tried to do everything to make me feel better.

Only thing he doesn't realize is that I am so lonely. My pain cannot be dissipated by materialistic things, and when he isn't here I feel a little more empty. But he loves his job and it makes the pain from losing the love of his life decrease tremendously.

I know the feeling. And if him working can help in anyway then I will do it. I won't complain. He doesn't deserve it.

The house was incredibly large, a little too big for just me since he travels and is never home. I pick the bedroom with the balcony, and step out to look at the London skyline. It was nothing like New York, but it was still beautiful. Different but beautiful.

My things were already unpacked and I went straight to bed. School was tomorrow and I wasn't ready to be the new weird girl from America with a slight Italian accent.

As soon as my head hit my pillow I was out, dreaming of my lost love like I did every night.

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thanks for reading lovelies 💓👼🏽💓