Forever and Always - BoyxBoy -Complete-

14

Jake

"Uhm, so why are you here again? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to you earlier and for my approach to you earlier. I am so stressed of school and my current situation with Daniel at the moment. Well you know, like lover's quarrel most of the time and a little bit of misunderstanding and jealousy led to some of our serious fights." I asked Paul who is now sitting across me, shuffling the contents of his bag. I didn't recognize him nor his voice since he has left us at such a young age, almost 12 years to be exact. Not only that but we had also gone our puberty stage which also an added factor. It shook my world once more at the sight of him.

It wasn't love at all I felt for him. I was still or we (what I mean with we is me, him and Daniel) were still at our young nearly adolescent age when all those happened. It was sixth grade when I noticed Paul and immediately my young heart melted at his looks, which were plain simple blue-eyed kid, brunette hair (as opposed to Daniel's golden blonde) and the cherry red lips. One can say it was just puppy love but that was the start of it all. Before Daniel, who was still my very best friend at that time, Paul and I already became as close to each other as like those of couples, merely like of those couples. But you can already say that we were so attracted to each other. I was to him but I don't know if he was to me also and when I did have the chance to tell him what I felt, he left in a blink of an eye. He never told me the reason why, but now, I assume Daniel knows all of it. Of course he would know about it, they were the best of friends even before I met him (Paul). They are like brothers from different mothers. Some people even suspect that they are real brothers, with the same father only different mothers. They have the same attitude towards people, the same approach, same movements. They are more like of twins, I say.

I can compare them myself, but choosing between these two is more like having to choose between true or false, even more complicated true or false question. During sixth grade, Paul always gets my attention even Daniel and I are best friends. I would say hi to him first instead to Daniel, I would invite him over for snacks first, I would ask him to stay in my house so that we could play rather than inviting Daniel first. My point that time was Daniel has a brother who he can play with and spend time together almost every day. I, on the other hand, is an only child and I don't even know how it feels to have a brother. That is always my loophole whenever Daniel would get mad at me for not having him invited. Point taken that is proven true later. Paul may have another sibling but he never considers her as his sister, since his father married another woman after his mother died and they had a child afterwards.

"You weren't really listening to me. It's always the same old you; never paying attention to those important matters, impatient, irrational, arrogant. Those were your traits as a kid and still you carry them with you now. No wonder Daniel really fell in love for you, head over heels. As I said earlier, I am here because of some sort of experiment or whatever my school would call it and I don't know how long will I stay here. I did talked to your principal yesterday and he suggested this schedule to me. He said that you would be pretty much familiar with this schedule. I didn't bother to ask him but I'd rather ask you. What is with this schedule anyways and why would he say you're too familiar with this one?" He hands me over a sheet of paper, full of subjects not related to me, before realizing it was the same as Daniel's. "Yeah, I guess. It's pretty much the same schedule as Daniel's. No wonder he would say that and choose this on purpose. Did he say anything else aside from this one?"

"Yeah, he told me to tell you that you can be excused from any classes you have today, and that you'll be my tour guide for the week. So maybe we can start now or later? I'm not in a hurry anyways and I wanted to take a few breathes before starting this task." He cheerfully takes his phone out and earphones, after putting away his schedule and a few stuff in his bag. "Hey Paul, can you tell me something? Why did you leave that time and why not tell me about it? Is there something that I shouldn't know that you have to keep it away from me? And you had Daniel as your accomplice as well, which makes perfect sense to me now. But why?"

He avoids my questions by plugging his earphones and turned the volume as loud as I can hear it even from a short distance, shakes his head as he enjoys the tune coming out from them, dancing his thoughts into the melody. "Paul! Do I need to yell at you just to have my answers? I do have the right to know why and why? Why Paul? We could have ended up together if you didn't leave, I could have let my feelings develop even further if you didn't decided to abandon me."

"Damn it Jacob! Quit whining will you? I will answer your questions if I wanted to, but I don't want to. It was a reasoning of a 12-year old boy, a childish choice that even I can't make my father argue with me because I was right. So stop acting like you're still that 12-year old boy I used to know, you lost that right to know since I left. There is no need for it to come out once again. It was finished, done, once and for all." He slammed his phone hard on the desk, pulling out his earphones at the same time, tossing them randomly in the air. I don't know if this is the time for me to mention that he's like Daniel when he gets mad, but all I want from him is answers, to clarify things for me, that I could have a peace of mind. None of those tests or comparisons or differences between Paul and Daniel matters now. The most important things now are all of his answers, even if I have to force him to spit it out from his mouth. This is something that's growing into me now, all the curious thoughts.

"Do you really want to know Jacob, all of them? Do you really want to understand why I did have to leave you that time, that day, that moment? I don't know how you'll take it." "Just cut the chase and give me what I want. I need your answers, not your stupid and useless sermon. I'd have enough of it already. Get to the point."

"I love you Jake. From the moment Daniel introduced us to each other I have fallen for you, in a snap of a finger. You were trying to get as much as closer to me, but you unintentionally hurting Daniel in the process. Every time you sit next to me, Daniel would have a furrowed eyebrow. Every time we meet, your attention goes to me first instead to him, which is really sounding so unfair for him. You are his best friend after all, but why turn your attention to me? He may not be showing it but I can read his mind and see through his eyes, the jealousy, the constant rage, anger he's suppressing. That's how he loves you. He gives way for you to love me, and he's still getting hurt. The only valid reason I found that I have to leave is because Daniel is so in love with you too. So much in fact, he'd be ready to give up all he feels. That's why I made a clear decision to leave and entrust him to you or the other way round, I entrusted you to him. I don't own you like I could have the right to give you away, but I wanted him to love you more and you to love him back.

"That's why I don't want to tell you about this. Look at you. You're like a dumb idiot, lost at space, like you're watching the wheels spin only to find out there are no hamsters at all because they're dead. I wanted you to love Daniel not me. I'm not becoming like a hero here or something, but I wanted to give way to you and Daniel. You deserve each other more than anybody else including me. I wanted you to change, Jacob. Not for me, not for anybody else, but for him. It's all about you after all. He could give you everything in this world that I couldn't. Take a step back of what you've been through these four years or so. Do you really want them to all go into waste, bury them like what you did to our memories? Our memories aren't worth keeping anyways; they're more of a trash. But yours, I should get jealous with you and him. You two are so perfect for each other, like puzzle pieces that perfectly fist together and create a very amazing picture. So don't go bother about me, instead work on him."

"Paul, I-, I don't understand you at all. If this is all what you ask for, then so be it. I'm still going to carry out what is asked from me but I'll keep myself from you. At least, you clarified it to me."

"You shouldn't have asked me then. I told you it's just as complicated as you wouldn't expect. Still, it could be worse and you're satisfied now." He said calmly, sitting down to the chair in front of my desk. "We could have been together... we could be happier..."

"And then we could be even sadder because I'm still leaving you no matter what. It's not worth the risk and that's why I had Daniel take care of you. I know you'll be in safe hands."