Until He's Gone

Chapter Eleven

My heart beats to the rhythm of her clarinet.
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I felt the wind slap me, blame me, and tell me how could you do that?

I couldn't answer. Instead, I let my tears express my feelings, my burning heart, my fragmented soul, and my guilty eyes, which I can hardly open to see the world before me.

I had never thought I was a person who possessed those both sides: an angel and a devil.

Besides, I didn't have the courage to go home to explain to dad what had happened to me and what I had done. I simply wasn't able to.

Therefore, I sat on a bench next to a station.

Thankfully, it was raining, so I didn't have to wipe away my tears. I was already drenched in rain. As to the blood that had been on my mouth and hands, a nearby well had helped me get rid of it somehow.

Few people were bustling in the market, but I spotted no one my age. I felt scared and guilty as people passed by me without any word -ignorant.

I thought about how miserable Normandy was, and how I never had the chance to see any of my friends. Most of them left the country, while I settled for years in my room, looking out at the lonely streets from my window, and of course, playing the clarinet and embracing the sketch of mother's pretty face.

I thought about Kevin; that miserable young boy I had met, and how he had endured all the years of blame. I remembered the wish he had implied during our talk about taking revenge from his step-mother, and that he desired that she be dead one day. Did I really grant his wish? I guessed yes.

The vision of him standing on the edge facing the ocean sent tears to my tired eyes which couldn't yet believe what they had seen. I smiled as I remembered his innocent handsome face, his attractive nervousness as he walked past the room, his lips over mine, his hands knotted in my hair, his sparkling green eyes...

"What are you doing here young lady?" an old officer interrupted my memorable thoughts.

  I knew he was one of the Nazi officers from the uniform he wore. His dark eyes were barely seen under his barret.

  I was frightened and stood up at once. I wiped the tears off my face by my shivering guilty fingers. Horrifying thoughts ran through my distracted mind.

  Who was that fearful man? What did he want from me? Did Edith tell on me and urge the officers to drag me to jail? Will I have to spend the rest of my life imprisoned like Kevin once did?

"Young lady?" he asked, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I answered simply as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Why are you here alone? You look so down," he said.

I shook my head sorrowfully for I found no words to say.

"I'm here to help you if you need anything," he said with a friendly face.

I felt relieved and nodded as I sank into the bench once again.

"What's your name? And who's your father?" he asked me as he sat on the bench next to me.

"I'm Lily Blondel. My father is Mr. Arthur; he works at the French taxes office," I answered, "And you're?"

He smiled when he heard my name. It made me curious.

"I'm William Deville, but please call me Wilhelm in public; it sounds more German," he smiled.

"Oh," I whispered, "Aren't you a Nazi soldier?"

"No. I'm French. I'm just disguised as a Nazi soldier so that I won't get killed," he said, "but please don't tell anyone."