Just Memorable Moments...

Remembering...?

I don't remember much right now I guess....some memories have faded away but some are still here....every time I see Kaine at anime club..why is it that I run away too much?..I want to get closer not further away...I want to be brave but I can't...One of my biggest fears is to get hurt...I've been hurt by guys before..calling me ugly, four eyes, freak, weirdo, stalker, etc...I was hurt when I had my first bf...I felt like when I was dating him me and him weren't going to work out and I knew it...but its fine me and him are friends now and family its better that way lol...its Eric...I was a good person to him..honest, loyal, nice, and idk what else...but I wouldn't ever hurt him...and well I had 5 brothers in one cx....You see Eric has something called Multiple Personality Disorder and changes personality out of the blue...Ones name is Christopher and he is Perverted like but he's cool, Harry the smart one, Timmy the 8 year old lol cx, Alexis act like more of an adult but he's still fun,and evil Matthew so he's like a demon. I made a request to Alexis and made it come true..now he's my onichan as well as Eric...it's fine if me and him broke up on his birthday..but I thank him for being my first at least...and I'm already completely over him....the thing is I remember what it was like to feel that pain of getting hurt for a few months...I realized he was going away from my heart as my ex...After what happened October 23, 2015 I could just say that it was the best and made me get this feeling for almost a year...huh I still remember when I was going out with Eric, Kaine would see us kissing or holding hands on the first day of anime club when i became a junior..he came up to Eric and asked him why are we holding hands...and he told him we were going out..he asked me "is it true?.." and I nodded..he said "awwweee" and hugged us both...but he then pushed away Eric and Kaine ended up hugging me tighter and Eric struggled to get me back XD...Kaine was like "No she's mine XD"..cute..and well he got me back and Kaine looked rejected and acted childishly "fine i'm leaving! boohoohoo" and we were just there me and Eric...then again Kaine cx..said "stop being so adorable! cx" lol awwe and also said to Eric.."if you hurt her i'll kill you"...i was like aw..and he was kidding but he meant it for him not to hurt me...he then started to squish my cheeks and his XD...weird..but yeah thats how it was...another time around april before spring break he was at anime club coming towards us and me and Eric were family...not exes...but we still act like children cx..onichan started to say weird stuff about how he's going to steal his heart away from me..and I told Kaine that Eric was being weird..and he was like "NO! go away youre weirding her out shoo shoo" and he left fake crying XD...and we started talking about random stuff...not much to remember..but at the end of the day Onichan had painted my skateboard with a skull and roses just like my design lol..and as i was waiting for my ride home Kaine was leaving as well with JR and the others...he turned around and saw me just as I was about to poke him from behind and let him know I was here....I'm right here Senpai...once again I've been noticed and given a big hug..as he walked out with his friends until next time I see him at anime club...oh and another time...Don't remember the exact date as well but he gave me a key...A key that he for no reason gave to me...some say that it is the key to his heart...naah i don't think so...who knows but I know there's nothing between us...even so I got o chance with him... I love him..but I can't tell him how I feel...i'm afraid like i said that i'll get hurt...i could be brave enough to tell him how I feel once I'm ready...I wanted to tell him on the last day of video game club super smash bros tournament before seniors graduate but he had work so he didn't show up...I'll probably tell him when I see him or when the moment is right...I can't hold these feelings any longer because I feel like they'll burst and In tears...Its happened alot to the point I ended up self harming because of the pain in my chest I feel when I think about him...his smile...his personality...his long fluffy hair..his hugs...his laugh...him...i want to do my best nomater what...I told myself I'll go to college and become someone successful even if it'll be tough but I want to succeed and be happy...I don't care if I may or may not be the right one for him but I want him to know that I really care about him...if he feels the same way idk what i'll feel c': ...but if he doesn't its okay i'm used to rejection...and it'll help me move on and at least think about the future I want....even if its together with someone I really care about or love or by myself....I'' be okay...but yes...my title is remembering...remembering some small cute  moments cx.....Love...