Holding on and letting go

We all have an idea of what our first love will be like. I always thought my first love would be epic, blooming and above all, perfect. And, well, mutual.
So in my early teens all the other girls were developing crushes, but I never actually cared until I got older and thought more about it. Around the time I got more conscious of love I was 17 or 18, and I didn't recall ever being in love. Well, I was kinda scared I'd actually been in love without realizing it, and totally wasted my chance of an epic first love! That is, until about half a year ago when I fell so hard that I realized... I'd never been in love before!

Here's how it all started

I was on set as a co-production designer and I had to do makeup on some of our actors, when this really tall guy came over... I didn't think much of him, 'cause, you know, I was just doing my job. Anyways, I quickly got his makeup part done so he was ready for filming. It was around lunch break that he started talking to me and, to be honest, I thought he was a total douche!
He seemed like a show-off kinda guy, UGH!
So I think it was the next day, still on set, he randomly added me on my FB and started messaging me. I just thought "fine whatever," but in the moment, just him and I messaging, he was nice!
He messaged me all the time, every single day. We talked about all kinds of things!
When I got back to the production school after a whole week on location filming, I saw him in the cafeteria. Apparently, he was actually a student there. He immediately came over to greet me with a hug and we small-talked. For many days he kept visiting me in me class, going in for hugs, tickling me, randomly carrying me
(I know that part is a little weird)
And flirtatiously teasing me. After weeks of this, several of other people had noticed, and started teasing me with having a flirt. Even other dudes would tell me "girl, he totally has a crush on you."
See, I'm not very good at noticing stuff like that and when people told me those things, I believed them... And somewhere along the way, I grew to like the idea of us, me and him, together, like a couple.
I found myself knowing exactly what time he arrived at school, what time he got off, what time he usually came down for lunch, what time he messaged me. I'd been paying attention to him wherever he was. What he was doing, with who, and if he looked happy or even sad. When I entered the cafeteria my eyes went directly to his usual seat. If he wasn't there, my eyes searched the room for him.
Every time he spoke to me it lifted my heart. Sure, he had many other friends, girls as well, but the way he was with me did seem different, just like many of my friends pointed out.
Well, perhaps that was just my naive heart.
I noticed he didn't message me everyday. Our conversations became shorter. He's messages came in now just once a week... Then once every second week.

Well, onto realizing I was in love with him

I was wondering why these drastic changes had happened. Somehow, a single "hey" from him could change my entire mood! And when he didn't message me... Well, you can guess how my mood went downhill.
So I started noticing something, and this is where my heart shattered.
I noticed him interacting with some other chick, being exactly as flirty as he was with me. So touchy. I felt my heart sink.
I guess I wasn't actually special. I wasn't that one exception, or the only girl he was oh-so into. That realization had me feeling broken hearted and moody.
The pain and tears I cried over him was what made me realize he was more than just a crush. I had fallen in love with him.
I knew what I had to do to stop it getting worse... I had to cut him off completely. Of course, this was harder said than done. I started out by removing him on FB and deleted screenshots of sweet messages. I tried to ignore him.
None of my friends actually knew anything about how I felt and what had happened, they wouldn't really understand. Besides, they didn't mind him... I guess they actually liked his presence. So I kept all these feelings to myself.
About one week after I decided to remove him from my life, he hit me up, asking why I deleted him. He even sent a long message, being all nice, saying that he didn't wanna lose me as a friend. A friend.
Well...
Being gullible and all, I accepted that. That's when he yet again messaged me on a daily basis, and it felt good at the moment, but somehow it didn't actually make me happy like it did before. I tried to avoid him, cause I knew I had to get over him. It hurt being apart from him, and it also hurt having him in my life. The Struggle!