Overcoming Obstacles

To everyone out there struggling to live life, it's been weighing on my heart to tell you guys this story. This is a true story of what happened to me, and I'm only telling you this because I care. God gave me a caring heart to inspire humanity. And that's what I'm doing. I don't like to hear about people self-harming. Life is a struggle, trust me, I know, I deal with it every day. See, it really hurts me to know that some of you are out there intentionally hurting yourselves. Some of you are out there contemplating and committing suicide because of bullying. I've been there. I've been cursed with this physical disability that's been haunting me all my life since I was seven. When I was in second grade, I was in a horrible car accident. The doctor told my family I would die, and if I didn't die I would be a vegetable...(paralyzed from the neck down), or maybe just paralyzed on the whole left side of my body. I don't know. I just know they thought I would be paralyzed. Well, after being in a coma for five weeks, I wasn't a vegetable, I didn't die, and I wasn't paralyzed on the left side of body. I just had to learn to talk and walk again. I had to learn how to do everything all over again, just like a newborn baby.

When I got back to elementary school, I was still learning to walk again. I couldn't run and play with other kids. I was wheelchair-bound my whole third grade year. And when I got around other kids that weren't from my school, I would get bullied. I'd get teased and I'd get joked, because I looked and sounded slow. Thank God I had other kids around to stick up for me and their parents taught them well, because I don't know how I got through it. I was frustrated that I couldn't be a regular kid. It wasn't my fault I looked and sounded the way I did. I talked way too slow...slower than I talk now. I used to go home...and when i got alone from everyone hovering over me, I thought about committing suicide...actually one day I was about to, but I couldn't do it. I was only about 9 or 10. I was too scared.

When I got to Highschool, everything I went through could have been pure hell. I was popular...everyone knew my name, but I wasn't popular enough. I say this because I was popular and liked enough to get elected on the homecoming court my senior year, but not popular or liked enough to be elected homecoming queen. People would say hi to me in the halls, but I didn't even know most of them. I wanted to fit in, I wanted friends. Real friends. I wanted to date like other girls did in my school...I wanted to love a boy and have a boy love me like I saw the boys loving girls in my school. But I didn't fit in, I didn't have any real friends, and most importantly...I didn't get to date anyone...I didn't get to love any boys because they were too shallow and too cowardly to let me love them. I never even got any phone calls from boys like other girls did. Teachers and staff passing me in the halls would say, "Oh, but you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend? Why don't they call you? Oh, I bet they call you." If they only knew. That's how I learned that looks don't matter. I didn't have any brothers and sisters, so I couldn't talk to them. My dad wasn't in my life either. Going through all of that, I never did cut. I never committed suicide like I thought about all the time. The only thing I had helping me through all of that was music. And mostly all of that music was Mariah Carey's music. I'd go home every day and listen to all of her albums from beginning to end, and they helped me through it. I sung along with her, because she was singing about my feelings. She knew exactly how I felt. Therefore, she was my best friend.

College was no different, I didn't have any boyfriends either, or get the opportunity to date any guys. I would let them know I was interested, and they'd blow me off just like in high school. After college, my struggles continued with getting jobs, and finding my place in the world...achieving my dreams. My dreams are to become an actress/model. I forgot to mention that in high school, I wanted to be a cheerleader. My mom brought me into this world wanting me to be a cheerleader, but her dreams were shattered when I got in the car wreck. She was driving, but it only happened because three careless teenage boys who weren't supposed to be driving in the first place ran a stop sign. But one day in high school I made up my mind that I was going to try out for the cheerleading squad. I figured, why not? I could jump, I could cheer, I was considered a good dancer by my peers. But I couldn't jump high enough, I couldn't do splits in the air, and I certainly couldn't balance a pyramid. So at the last minute, I decided not to try out.

Getting back to my dreams of becoming a model/actress, the brain injury from the car accident causes my muscles to move suddenly and uncontrollably, so walking the runway has always been a challenge for me. But in summer 2013, I got accepted into a training program for modeling and acting. I had to audition for it, one acting monologue, and one simulated runway walk. Surprisingly, the judges liked me because I got called back in both categories! They want me to work with them.

So the moral of my story is to never give up. If I've been through all these obstacles and all these life frustrations without cutting or attempting suicide, surely you can too. Please everyone, if you have any questions or if you need to talk, whether it be about my situation, boys, life, bullying, or anything bothering you, please reach me on twitter, @butterflydiva20 or Facebook, LaKeisha Harrod. Thank you so much for reading. God Bless. Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."