Coincidentally: He and Him

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"Take a deep breath- here comes the drop. I know it's your first time here, but soon you will get used to the motion; the headlong dive into the deep. Just go with it. You only get one chance to fall in love with your heart still whole." – Lang Leav

Have you ever experience that tingling effect starting at your back going upwards to your nape? Have you ever lose your normal way of taking oxygen in and out every time you pass by someone or someone passes over you? Have you ever imagine someone holding your hand as he offers you a walk on your long way home? Have you not ever wanted the old school things? The picnics, midnight phone calls, flowers, sweet long love letters, late night drives for nothing and all the things that people call "corny" today? If you ever did, you are a healthy being. You are attracted to someone. You can be in love.

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LOVE. ~Love is defined as a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone according to Merriam Webster in her dictionary. In an article that I've read it was stated that love is defined in every smile of every pounding heart and even in the taste of the sweetest single kiss. Love can be in any form. For you family, self, community, country or for someone who caught your attention from the very beginning of the story. Love will never be love unless shown or given fully to someone. And love will never be love unless it is said and done. There are many ways someone can determine whether he or she is in love and yet these things or happenings vary in every people or individual. For example, someone feels like the world is in total stop every time he or she saw his special someone. A slow motion effect tend to occur in the mind of the person attracted to someone. Others may also day dream and think of the particular person all throughout the day while others tend to keep it to themselves but later on shout to the fullest to express so much emotion. It is hard to describe love. There are also sometime, that even if how much you wanted to put your whole heart to describe love, things may just seem unfit. But I knew someone who can share his event of falling in love.

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He was just a strong believer that his heart was still whole, yet bigger with its actual beating figure. But time after time he can sense its deducing size. It seems like it is being pick by someone bits by bits, piece by piece. Maybe it wasn't bad after all, it might be a good thing! Because that physical being of someone who pick his hearts pieces is the same person whom he had been observing since day one. He is the same human who recolored his darkened and grayed world from all those broken promises and missing words as they cross paths. Coincidentally, "Him" is he. He is me.

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I admit that I am awkward and stiff. But I secretly moves, observes and searches in both near and far distances. By the second day, I can see no difference with our eyes. Indeed it is the window to our souls. His round hazel brown eyes were similarly close to mine. Yet it can recognize a one true kind heart even in a dim-light manner. He also wears his glasses, for him to visualize the whole world that his sight can reach. His undeniable facial features were distinct. I can even draw his face inside my head from time to time. The totality of his looks has nothing special but it caught my both eyes. Moreover, his grown white tooth on the upper right corner of his well-arranged set of teeth is very eye-catching, but I find it cute and not vexatious. If I try to turn up a gaze towards him, I still have to effort lifting my round shaped face. This only paints the variation of our body height. He is towering, while I settle myself near the earth's crust. Basically he is tall and I am this tiny little being. His structure was just like any other guy, nothing unusual yet I am a bit rounded in body figure and flattened in a very special process. We are numbers as my classmates firstly teases us. We are ten, numerically "10". He was so simple and I try to look best every time I head out our door. With his blue polo shirt and "maong" jeans on, added with his black colored slippers for his footwear he is ready to go but I am still fixing my eyebrows with my brown colored eye brow pencil to fully transform my brows to a more pleasant view. Well, he is fine.

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Just like how the others have their normal lives, the days flew quickly on and on. Along with how the clock hits tick-tock, tick-tock. I didn't complain about the slightest to the grandest irritating sound the clock make. It wasn't melodious in any way. But since it was also the moment I caught him. I caught his interactions which show the attitude he had stored in that little punky machine. In contrary, what I had stored in my mind was, "Him" was simply outgoing. I was also amazed with how good he was in school! "Him" wasn't the best nor the smartest but he is good in school or maybe I only met guys who were just good with the computer games and Friday night parties in the urban communities rather than trying to be more literate and sociable in a manner of formality.

It is in the second week I managed to have his number. It was all because of unintended act of asking him that we should have our practice for a school activity. Finally I already had that enough guts to move a little step forward, officially we were talking. His words were as pleasant as his tone. His tone was as melodious as any angel sing a lovely welcome song. His every breathing links my senses to his, resulting to an invisible spark that I am the only one able to see. "Him" conversing with me is my missing melody. We started talking more and more including the exchange of short but firm messages online. His vocabulary opened me a new portal of discovery, then I eventually saw the inside of him. What I proved was that there is more than of what my clear eyes perceived, a bountiful of "hahaha" person and endless things to tackle about. He was ideal.

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I already took enough magical beans to boost up my courage, and that resulted to texting him a tiny confession. "I finally realize that I should tell you this. I like you, I really like you." And then he replied, "We'll everyone made that clear to me". All he just wanted was my confirmation. And then I was rejected. "I'm sorry but I already hold someone dear, you are a very kind person let's be good friends." His words were as formal and as friendly as he was. Yes all he can offer me is friendship. After that was a moment of staring at my cellular phone with a very blank mind. Words that took me million times of tapping my heart so I can finally admit my feelings were then shut in the friendliest approach he could ever do. All he can offer me was friendship. Yes, he was friendly, very friendly.

"You can never be just friends with someone you fell in love with." Is it true? Actually I am trying really hard and he is helping me out. But I can't still imagine us today. I can't still move freely from the heavy chains of emotions attached to my whole body. And to what Lang Leav quoted, it was also true most especially in the last sentence, "You only get one chance to fall in love with your heart still whole." Because the second time that you will give your heart to someone special, there is already a part of it which is nowhere to be found, which is lost. Just like how a porcelain from the old times given so much value. The moment it gets broken and someone tries to fix it a particle of the figure is already lost and so as your vulnerable heart, a particle will be lost. Yet love is not called love if ever you won't give all your love to that special person. And love will never ever be love unless it is given and offered fully.

"Just Friends :/" this photo was taken month(s) ago. Image of us two.

But this essay might not be as helpful as any other essays for they tackle about social issues or any big problems. Let us give ourselves a break. Take time to sit down, relax and reminisce how we used to let our heart rule us and bring us to what we are right now together with the emotions and lessons life and experiences taught us. By the way, so how was your first love anyway?