My eyelids feel heavy,
like they're filled with sand.
I open them only a crack,
causing light to filter
through the blurriness I see around me,
making the pain in my head
soar to an all new level.
I quickly close my eyes
and hide under the blankets,
hoping that maybe just once,
I might be left alone.
I just need a moment of solitude,
a minute to think,
but I know it's a lost cause
as soon as my mother's voice
cuts through the air.
I get the same lecture
she gave me last week;
I'm not trying,
and I'm never going to get a job
or even finish highschool at this rate.
I think quietly to myself
that it doesn't matter.
I'm not going to be alive
to see the end of this school year,
let alone graduation.
I bury my face in the pillow,
holding back my tears,
as I patiently wait for her to leave,
and as soon as she does,
something in me snaps.
The tears flow freely
down my face,
and I feel as though someone
ripped open my chest,
leaving a big, gaping whole.
The pain in my head increases as I sob,
making it feel as if it might explode at any time.
I cling on to the pillow for dear life,
hoping it might keep me
from falling apart
for just a few more weeks.
Falling apart is invietable.
I know this already,
but I want to stay together
for a just a little while longer.
I want to get everything straightened out
before I leave.
I want to set things right,
and make sure everyone knows that I love them.
I don't want to have any regrets.
In fact, I'm only still here,
on this earth,
because I want to make sure my desicion is the right one.
If I were to do it,
it could never be undone.
I've always been against it,
suicide,
but now I understand.
Sometimes not everything in life goes as planned,
and sometimes the only thing you can do,
is get out while you can.
