Venenum

Solitudinem

•Kyungsoo's POV•

Here I am again. Sitting on the cold tiles of my bedroom floor, trapped within these 4 tall and white walls that consume every bit of my soul as I try to escape my own mind. The echo that comes from downstairs fills my head. I always hear my family talk but I never bother to talk to them. I'm not very good with people so I just stay in here. The best times are when they shut up, when I finally have silence and get to relax. I've always been a loner, but I remember that when I was a kid I had a friend. She came to me when I was on the verge of despair. She stayed with me until I could smile again but unfortunately I fell for the trap of the words "I'll always be here". After she made me feel happy she left. Without a single goodbye, she vanished into thin air. Since then I haven't heard from her. I'm glad she helped me out but I can't forgive her for leaving without a warning. It teared me apart... This feeling... It was like poison running through my veins, I could feel my blood boiling and my energy getting drained. I collapsed and was sick for several months. I needed her again, so I'd look out the window or the door in hopes that she'd walk in and say that everything would be okay, but that day never came. Since then I haven't spoken with anyone, sometimes I actually forget the sound of my own voice.

I get up, realising I don't hear anyone. They finally left. I get out of the room and slowly walk down stairs looking around the house. I've been living here since I was born and yet it's an unknown place for me. I always lock myself inside of my room, sometimes I spend days without eating... I don't really feel the need to eat anything. My loneliness consumed me at this point. Some people might say that I'm going through a depression but then again, this is the feeling that I've always known and if something changes, my anxiety strikes me and I overthink things. If I already hit rockbottom why are my demons still pulling me down? I stopped my track only to find my mother and a young lady sitting on the couch while looking back at me. I don't remember the last time I've talked to my mother or seen her. She walked towards me with a warm smile on her face and lightly touched my arm. She looked so warm and full of love but yet again her eyes were distant and her touch was cold. She motioned for me to sit and so I did. Without looking away from the girl sitting in front of me I remained silent. I kept every detail of her in my mind as she felt somewhat familiar. The shiny and soft hair, those bright big eyes, soft skin and her rosy lips.

-"Hey Kyungsoo, don't you remember me?"

Her eyes got me hypnotised and my shyness was overwhelming. I don't remember this girl. I take a few more glances as I try to recall any bits of memories that may cross my mind. I can't find the courage to speak so I just look down and remain silent.

-"So... I'm guessing that that's a no... That's alright! I'm (y/n) we met when we were kids and we'd play all the time. I just felt really bad for the way that I left. It was too sudden, I had no time to say goodbye so all I can say now is... I'm sorry."

I sat there staring at her, the word shock was written all over my face at this point as I kept on replaying the words "I'm (y/n)" in my mind. How can one change this much? I automatically leaned in towards her, looking very carefully at her changed features. I actually ended up leaning a little too close.

-"uhm... Is there anything on my face?"

I immediately snapped out of it. I get up in such a rush that both of them were startled. I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room. I sat on my bed against the wall with my arms wrapped around my knees as I stared out the window. Right across the street I could see the playground where me and (y/n) would always play as kids. I start getting these flashbacks, the memories are so vivid, her touch feels so real that it sents shivers down my spine. Suddenly I hear footsteps comming upstairs and they start getting closer to my room.

-"Kyungsoo..."

It's her. I stop breathing just so that I can hear her voice as she calls my name. I close my eyes and picture the girl I knew. The girl I remember. The girl that helped me out when I needed most.

-"Do I still need the secret code to get in?"

I nod as if she was watching me. The best part is that she knew. I hear 3 knocks, a small pause, 2 knocks, a small pause and 3 more knocks. My heart melts at this simple act. She remembers.. I knock on the wall the same way that she did as a response, I can't help but smile and I hide my face behind my arms as she walks in.