One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 43 - Rae

Mum was surprisingly alright with me going to Finn's house.   I tried to assure her that besides friendship nothing was going on between Finn and myself.   Well not yet, and who knows if we ever will figure this out.   I was trying to convince myself just as much as I was trying to convince mum. Mum lectured me about responsible behaviour and sent me on my way.   I am still confused as to why mum is so keen on me spending time with Finn. 

Finn and I walked to his house. He held my hand and carried my bag, where I had packed my pj's, some clothes for tomorrow and my diary.  As we entered Finn's house, Mr Nelson met us at the door giving me a massive hug. "Welcome Rae, comeon in" ushering me inside "make yourself at home" he continued. 

"Dad, let Rae go" Finn chimes in, grabbing my hand and started to lead me upstairs "Girl, I'm not going to fight dad for your attention" Finn says smiling at me.  I look back at Mr Nelson feeling guilty that we have just arrived and Finn is racing me off. 

"Finn, is Rae's mum ok with...?"  he is motioning between us with his finger "you know" he says.   

"Dad, it is fine" Finn reassures him, not missing a step getting me to his room as quickly as he possibly can. When the door shuts he immediately locks it.  I find myself standing so close to him.  His body is warm, radiating heat.  My eyes follow him.  He places my bag down and then runs his hand up my arm.    It makes me smile nervously.   

"Rae, what do you want to do?" he asks, I shiver against his touch and his words resonate throughout me.  I know what I would like to do, and it is a very clear reminder of what I need to do.  The tension is so clear.    I kiss him he tastes of larger and cigarettes.  He pulls away.  "Rae" I open my eyes to look at him, and his mouth where my name had just escaped.  He is looking at me intensely and I wish I could resist him.  

"Finn, I need you" I say filling the space between us "and I need you to know that you have no reason to be jealous of anyone.  I am yours" I say.   Finn's smile, his lips, his touch I want and need him.   I press my lips against his, I am lost.  I take my time, slowly kissing him, my hands at his sides gripping his shirt pulling him towards me.  We are slow and deliberate, like we are trying to reassure each other.  I end up pressed against his door, that familiar feeling of being wedged between Finn and the door.  I have been here before, Finn with me, touching me. It only makes me want him more.  Finn grabs my hands and places them above my head.  He continues the slow assault.  I press my body against him trying to be as close to him as I can.

Between kisses Finn tells me how I scared him.  "I'm sorry" I say over and over again between kisses.   each one a promise to Finn and myself. 

Finn pulls away from me, and walks me over to his music collection, which was perfectly frustrating.  I could of gotten carried away from our kiss, but he seemed to know when to pull away to give us some space.  He hands me the cover of an album pointing at a particular track.  "This one is for you Rae, I need you to hear this" he says as he places the vinyl on the turntable and gently places the needle down.  I smile. "Girl, come with me" he says, taking me hand and sitting down on the floor using the bed to rest our backs.  Finn holds my hand and wraps his other arm around my shoulder pulling me into him.  We say nothing but listen to the lyrics, I close my eyes.  

Today is gonna be the day.  That they're gonna throw it back to you .  But now you should've somehow realised what you gotta do.  I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out.  I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really have a doubt.  I believe that nobody feels the way I do about you now. 

He squeezes my hand, I smile at him shyly and he nods at me.  "It is for you Rae, because I can't seem to convince you how I feel about you" Finn says.  I squeeze his hand back, I have no words. 

And all the roads we have to walk are winding.  And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.  There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.

Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.  And after all you're my wonderwall.  

Finn touches my cheek "I need you Rae" he says.   "I need you to need me Rae" he continues.  "Since meeting you, I don't know how to be without you.  It makes me crazy.  I do things that I am not proud of, and all I want to do is be with you"  He leans in and kisses me.  My mind thinks through the song.  It means the world to me.  Finn has laid everything out to me.  He needs to know how I feel.  I pull away.  He looks sad and confused "Finn, if you want it..." I hesitate "I would like to give us a go, I want it.  But..."

He kisses me again. I kiss Finn back, his lips against mine feels perfect.  I am just where I should be.  Finn suddenly pulls away like he has just heard me "Hang on but?"  "Yes but.." I say as I try to kiss Finn.  He puts his hands up "what but?" he asks denying me his lips. "But I am still freaking out about college and people finding out about us.  I have already lost Chloe over this. Archie has been smacked in the face.  We've both done some stupid things... we have hurt each other" I try and explain.  I pull Finn towards me and wrap my arms around him I whisper "we can do this Finn but how much I can hurt you and you can hurt me is hard for me to wrap my head around."

"I didn't mean to Rae" Finn tries to reassure me while nuzzled in my neck.  He starts to kiss my neck. "I know Finn, I know" I respond.  He pulls away, hand on my neck caressing my cheek with his thumb.  We lean into one another and kiss.  Gently.  In that moment I am lost in his touch. Lost in his kiss.  Lost in him.  Lost in us.  Lost. 

Finn pulls away.  I look at him smiling shyly "what?" I ask wondering why he has stopped.  "Let's go down and hang out with the old man" Finn suggests. "We have all night for us, but I know dad would love to spend some time with you.  He loves you here.  Finn gets up holding out his hand.  I take it and smile.  "Let's go, I can't wait to see your dad's music collection" I say.  Finn kisses my hand as I follow him downstairs.

As we walk into the sitting room Mr Nelson looks up.  "Rae wants to hear your collection" Finn says as walks past to the kitchen.  "Alrighty Rae, come sit down.  Finn are you getting some drinks? Snacks?" Mr Nelson says as he pats the seat next to him.  "Yup dad, larger?" he asks.  "All round son" Mr Nelson answers.

Finn returns as his dad is placing a vinyl on his turn table.  Finn hands me a larger and sits at my feet, resting his head on my lap.  Just as the music started Finn groans "Dire Straits dad really?" "Finley it is a classic and if Rae hates it I will turn it off" Mr Nelson replies.  "Tell him Rae!" Finn says turning to look up at me, winking.  "I kind of like it Finn" I say opening my can and smiling at Mr Nelson.

"See Finley your girl has great music taste unlike you" Mr Nelson jokes taking a jab at his son.  "That is what I keep telling him Gary" I say running my fingers through Finn's hair.  I can feel Finn smile against my thigh. 

It is perfect.