The Journey Towards Yourself

Chapter 14

Chapter 14//

Walking down the now familiar halls, I was excited.  I had a little bounce in my step now and I even may of smiled thinking about Derrick, but then all of a sudden my mind went back to Jackson.  I almost forgot that we had a conversation before Dr. Lorraine interrupted us.

"Now why is there a frown on your face?"  I look up from the ground I was staring at to see Derrick standing in the doorway of his therapy room.

I shrug a little and move my eyes to the side to avoid any awkward eye contact.  He notices but doesn't say anything.  I guess he understands.

"Well I hope I'm not the reason for it." he put his arm around my shoulder.  I can feel his forearm on the back of my neck and it makes me have goose bumps.  Luckily he doesn't see or feel them and continues talking about his session.

I don't mean to be disrespectful to him, but my mind wonders back to Jackson.  I don't know where he went after he basically told me his life story.  I really hope he is fine.

"-and then he just completely told me to get out of the room. Isn't that weird?"  I was shaken out of my thought with Derricks' question.

"Oh y-yah totally weird." 

Derrick smiles at my stutter and my heart flutters.  His smile is just amazing.  It's the kind you see on models and not regular guys who take therapy sessions and hang out with messed up girls like me. 

"You know, your stuttering is really cute."  I blush when he says this and I look the opposite way so he doesn't see it.  I don't really know how to respond since I'm not used to being complimented.  If that even counts as a compliment since stuttering is so not cute.

"No it's not. It's horrible." He rolls his eyes and pulls me towards the roof.

When we reach the top, we sit where we did before but this time his arm is around me and I'm getting comfortable. 

"Tell me about the time you started to have a stutter."

I was thrown off at his question.  Not many people have the guts to ask me.  Except Dr. Lorraine of course.

"Uh- well I don't know.  It just happens when I get nervous.  I can't really explain it.  My words get jumbled together and I mess them up."  Derrick sits up straighter when I say this.

"Why do I make you nervous?"  He looked into my eyes.  This is it.  Look into his pupils, Gwen.  See if they get bigger.

I stare into them.  He has gorgeous eyes but his pupils haven't changed since I started staring.  I'm begging for them to grow at least a little but no luck.  So I decide to answer with a shrug.

"Don't ever be nervous around me.  We are friends. You can tell me anything."

Friends.  Just friends.  What did I expect?  I was just simple Gwen nothing more.

"Yeah I know that."  He relaxes and lays down on the ground and stares at the sky.

It's quiet for the longest time.  He breaks the silence when he says. "Do you want to know a secret?"  I nod my head and he turns so he is laying on his side.

I let him look at my profile because I don't want to get captivated with his eyes again.  He keeps looking at me and isn't saying anything so I shoulder bump him. 

He breathes in and out and says, "Never mind, it's not very important right now and it's a nice day.  We can talk about it later." 

I wanted to tell him that he can tell me anything to but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I don't think he should tell me anything he doesn't want to tell me.  I'm not really worthy of his secrets. 

I'm not really worthy of anything right now.  So I take the sleeve of my sweatshirt and I wipe off the lip gloss that Dr. Lorraine put on me.