Until He's Gone

Chapter Thirteen

"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us everyday. Unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed and very dear."
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When I was younger, I used to wish I had some type of machine or potion that could help me forget things. Back then, I needed it badly, especially after I had lost my mother. However, I felt disappointed how all good things come during the bad times. Who needed an awful potion that can wipe all your memory off when all you wanted to do was remember? I squeezed my eyes in pain and buried my head between my hands. It took me a few moments until I regained the details of the day clearly.

I jumped off the bed quickly and went to my desk where I had left the letter earlier. I was shocked to find out it wasn't there. Why wouldn't it be? I didn't think my memory could fail me. It wasn't like I was suffering from memory loss to forget where I had placed it. At least I hadn't found out any symptoms recently. I went nervous as I searched my whole room for it. The letter was meant for me, and I should have read it the second Monsieur Elliot had handed it to me. But it was the sound Kevin had caused upstairs that stopped me from doing so. I searched everywhere; the drawers, the bed, my locker, and even under my pillow.

None.

Frantically, I voided my wardrobe and scattered my clothes all over the floor and bed. My room was in a complete mess. When I gave up on searching, I couldn't help but scream and sob. I was pretty sure that if anyone came in, he or she would definitely think I went insane.

Shit! I hit my forehead. There seemed to be no way to find it. I hated it that I had a feeling the letter enclosed something important. Well, how couldn't it have been important?

As I turned around to throw myself on my bed and curse my fate, something caught my attention. The window was swung wide open with the curtains flying in and out. I felt confused as I approached the window cautiously to find, to my shock, the letter on the windowsill. I had no idea how the hell it had gotten there. However, it was folded into another one, which meant there were two letters, next to which, was Kevin's black bracelet! I was shook by the sight of it.

I dropped to the bed and stared at the letters before me. I recalled that my window was open when I placed the letter on my desk earlier, but it wasn't me who opened it. Once I had placed the letter there, I directly headed to the room where Kevin was supposed to be. And he wasn't there. That meant he should have escaped from my window once I had gone downstairs to open the door. He must have caused the thud I had heard upstairs when I wanted to read the letter before. But how had he done all of that?

I decided he must have entered my room once I had left to open the door. When I came back, he must have still been there for I had sensed movement around. I was just too preoccupied by my thoughts to pay attention.

  The letter was on the windowsill and not on my desk. That also meant that Kevin must have replaced it, and obviously read it. He had also asked for a pen and paper to write a letter. This explained the fact that there were two letters instead of one. Obviously, Kevin had written one of them.

  Something told me that there was something too important in Monsieur Elliot's letter that made Kevin leave the letter he had written here instead of sending it to whoever it was. He had said before that he had to send it to a friend. I realized he lied.

  Kevin was also talking about something I hadn't known about before he committed suicide. He had told me that I would know later. I never thought later could be too soon.

  I wasn't even sure if I was ready to read whatever that letter wanted me to know. I grew nervous as I picked up the two letters quickly, but Kevin's letter caught my eye first. On the outside was scribbled the following: