Like Driving Toward the Morning Sun || Frerard (COMPLETED)

Chapter 12- completley and irrerversibly

Gerard played with the hem of his shirt uncomfortably as my father quizzed him over the table.

I warned him before dinner that this would happen, and he insisted that it was fine, although now he looked like he regretted saying that.

He could've gone home- I'd told him that that was an option- but he didn't. Instead, he chose to sit next to me and opposite my dad, as he asked him ridiculous questions about things that didn't matter.

"What is your average grade in science?" He'd asked, and Gerard had just pushed the food on his plate with his fork awkwardly, while mumbling, "a B."

My dad shot me a glare, as if he were shocked that I would so much as speak to anyone with a lower grade than me. Because, obviously, grades are the most important thing in the world.

Gerard glanced at me and I could see the fear in his eyes, and I asked him quietly, "are you okay?"

He shook his head a little but said, "yes." aloud, so I assumed he wasn't okay.

Dad watched this exchange with his usual scowl and interrupted, "what are you thinking of doing when you leave school?"

"If." I mumbled without thinking.

All eyes turned to me, silently asking me to explain, which I did.

"If he or any of us leave school. We may well be dead by then. We probably will be." I kept mumbling, looking at Gerard because he made me fell the least uncomfortable.

My dad sighed and muttered something about me being pretentious, and silently asked Gerard to answer his question.

"I want to go to art school." He said, and I gave him a round of applause in my head for having the balls to speak of any non academic successes or hopes aloud.

Both my parents gaped at him like frozen goldfish. I smiled at how shocked they looked.

"Art school?" My mom repeated quietly, obviously trying to make sense of this, "but what would you do with an art qualification?"

"I dunno. Draw stuff?"

Again, both parents looked shocked and it was in that moment that I fell completely and irreversibly in love with Gerard Way.

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The hardest part of having a crush on someone is admitting it to yourself.

I don't wanna sit myself down and have that conversation. The whole 'oh fuck you like this guy who is also basically your only friend what do you do now?' scenario really isn't one I am particularly familiar with. And, I mean, it's the end of the world in a few weeks, too, so I don't have much time to make my mind up about what to do. I've said it before, too- the end of the world fucks you up.

He was sleeping over tonight- it was way past curfew, so he had no other option.

I didn't mind, and my mom had stated that he would have to 'sleep on the floor because we don't have a spare bed'. Gerard didn't care. He'd just shrugged and plodded upstairs with me to my bedroom and flopped carelessly next to me on my bed the moment the door was closed.

He sighed and I felt him looking at me while I stared at the ceiling, not wanting to make eye contact and feel that almost familiar jolt of electricity run through me.

"Frank?" He whispered eventually, breaking the heavy silence.

I didn't speak and just hummed in response to show I was listening.

"Look at me."

I did as he asked and looked, meeting his eyes with mine and instantly feeling the butterflies.

I hate myself for how pathetic I am.

"That's better." He said, speaking softly, like he wanted no one else to hear him. "I've been thinking."

"Haven't we all?"

He hinted a smile and kept looking at me, "you sound like your mom."

It was my turn to smile and I rolled my eyes with it. "Shut up.. What have you been thinking about, Gee?"

He hesitated, "I... I.. I don't wanna ruin what we have."

"So?"

"So..." He trailed off, "so I can't.."

I almost wished he'd just say it. A million answers shot through my head, a mix of good, bad and completely stupid. "You can't what?"

"I like you."

"I think we've already had this conversation. You're as close to a friend I have."

"No... I..." He sighed, "I sound about twelve, don't I?"

"Little bit."

Gerard smiled again.

And then he kissed me.

And it was surreal. I hadn't thought of this side of relationship shit- I'd fallen in love with him as a person. Kissing and all that hadn't really crossed my mind. Although, him kissing me was everything I'd imagined it to be- everything I wanted it to be, nothing more, nothing less- and I kissed him back, which gave me the fucking biggest adrenaline kick I'd had in ages. However, I would've enjoyed it a whole lot more if I wasn't at home. The main thought going through my head (aside from 'holy shit he's actually kissing me') was 'what if my dad walks in?'. Not to say dad is homophobic- I have no idea about his opinions on that stuff and I don't care much, either- but he'd freak out if he saw me so much as holding hands with someone. Hell, I bet he'd get over protective over something like prolonged eye contact. I don't understand why, but he gets like that. I remember seeing an advert for perfume on TV in which the couple were basically about to fuck and my dad literally started yelling at the TV about respect and stuff like that. Of course, I completely understand that respect is important, especially in relationships, but it was a TV advert. It wasn't real. The people in the advert were actors.

Anyway, Gerard was kissing me.

But he stopped after a few seconds; he pulled away and I could see his blush.

"Sorry." He whispered and buried his face in his hands, "maybe that.. Was that too far?"

I shook my head. He'd done it once now and I had already decided that this was the start of an addiction.