Unorthodox Love

CHApTEr fOurTEen

I didn't go to school for a week now. I've only realised that after the sun rose for the sixth time . I was still in the same position as I was days ago. On my bed, facing the ceiling, silently crying.

I haven't left this position ever since, not to use the bathroom, to grab a book or watch TV,  or even eat. I reek, yes, I admit. I look like I'm dying, I know. How stupid of me to be doing this, again I totally agree with you. But at the middle of the day or night (I can't really tell anymore) I find myself crying harder. Because it saddens me that it hardly faze anyone I know, my brother did knock once or twice but it still bothered me that he didn't try harder.

I heard the sound of breaking glass. The sudden ruckus managed to make me lift up my head and look around.

It sounded like it wasn't from my room, but I also knew that it didn't come from the house either. Which made me turn my head to the window behind me, the only source of light. And behind those grey curtains were the bright outdoors, something I wasn't so sure of seeing yet.

But my curiosity got the best of me made me draw open the curtains.

I shielded my eyes away from the bright glare of the sun and looked ahead to a room that was parallel to mine.

A book was thrown from across the room, but I still didn't see whoever was making such a mess. I flinched at the of more shattering glass.

But right when I was about to close the curtains a tall body stepped in front of the window. His back was towards me, bare. Although I didn't see how he looked like I still knew that he would most definitely look attractive. 

He had broad shoulders, just like Axel. Hair with different shades of grey, like Axel's. He's about a foot taller than me, like Axel- wait.

Why am I comparing this guy to Axel?

But when the guy slowly turned around, his gaze locking with mine. My heart stopped at the sight.

Because it is Axel.

He still looked hurt, both metaphorically and literally. The skin around his left eye was a tinge darker, a bruise in the making. His lip was cut and a little blood showed but that wasn't the most painful part.

God, the look in his eyes made me want to beat myself up, over and over and over again.

I felt as if it was my fault he looked like this. My fault.

I started to panic as he tried to give me a small uneasy smile. But I didn't return it, the next thing I did was the only thing I could do, hide.

I closed the curtain, welcoming the darkness in my room. I sobbed into my pillow, my cries were muffled by my only comfort.

I grabbed another pillow, trying my best not to lash out again.

Not again.

"Not again." I whispered.

Not again.

"Please, not again." A tear trailed down my cheek and fell off my chin.

My hands were once again shaking vigorously. I let go of the pillows and clenched my fist. I stood up abruptly causing my head to ache. I stomped over the bathroom. I gripped the sink tightly trying to restrict myself from reaching for the pills or the old blade that never ceases to calm my nerves.

Calm down, stop crying.

The last time this happened it got bad. Because of me.

My fault.

My fault.

MY FAULT.

"My fault." I cried, piercing the cool blade against my wrist. It angered me that I lost control but it even more angered me to know that it wasn't working, I wasn't calming down.

"My fault!" I shouted while slashing the blade multiple times.

I collapsed on my knees. I finally grew tired. My arm had multiple wounds now.

>|《¤》|<

The hot water pelted against my clammy skin.I held back a scream bubbling at the back of my throat. My multiple open wounds were also  being drenched by the extremely hot water, and it to be frank it hurt.

But I liked it that way.

This way, I could feel something. Sadly, it's pain. But hey, I'll take whatever I could get right?

After what seems like hours of standing in the shower I finally got out. My wrist was still bleeding, enough to actually leave a small trail of blood wherever I went.

This wasn't the first time, the last time I did this the bleeding just stopped, but this looked too deep.

I walked down the stairwell, having the objective to find the first aid kit. By now, my hand was drenched in crimson red blood. My vision started to blur and my head started spinning like hell.  I stumbled on the last step. I gripped the banister as if it was a life line, blood gushed out making me whimper slightly. 

I immediately released my grip but before I could process anything I lost equilibrium and fell to the floor on my side,  crushing my blood drenched hand. Before I could let out a scream everything turned bright white, so bright that I suppose, blinded me.

And the next thing I knew everything went black.