The Typical No Life Teenager

shit happens for a reason right?

April 3rd 2017 was the beginning of my 4 month treatment and I got sent to this place because of my sixth attempt of overdose got my stomach pumped two days before then they sent me to what I'm going to call the Nut House I had so much free time and I literally wrote about everything that's going on in my life almost.

First journal entry April 4th 2017 is it bad I hate myself I am a failure and that's all I'll ever be I want to change the way I look I want to lose weight but I want to go soon enough I miss my family but I don't miss a setting I miss alcohol and not enough to have the urge to Chuck of it but whatever do you ever just want to kill yourself yep 1 800 kill yourself but I can't even think about it without getting consequences so I have to get over and be happy it's sad that I found out I passed roasted is an acute again and it makes me upset.

April 7th 2017 thoughts yes urges yes does staffcare probably not not talking to anyone anymore sounds fine with me only good people that are important to me get to hear me it's sad what Dakota did but what's even worse is Amity not even doing anything when Dakota said she wants to kill herself I guess everything happens or happens because everyone's in a terrible mindset.

April 9th 2017 isolation my favorite my dad wants to see me over the weekend let's hope I don't f*** everything up I probably will depression is something that goes through my whole body and won't be flushed out for the rest of my life or if it the times go away it'll still be there in the back of my mind walking me from a distance still haven't gotten a roommate probably ever since I'm a fuck up and a failure Shane thinks it is funny but it's probably because he read that I wanted to shut down I can't wait for Crystal and Kevin to come back they're my favorite staff.

April 11th 2017 I let Shane read my diary card and I mean I know he has two I hate that ashley will be leaving soon but then again I'm so happy for and at the same time well I'm depressed and acting happy I told Shane he pisses me off because he does but I'd rather him piss me off the not pay attention to me like some people do I want my music I feel like I should vent to someone and cry about it for a while but maybe I shouldn't just because just like autumn she came back she chose to fake your way through just like the rest of us I hope I don't see her again while I'm here work on the crew decreasing my depression well-being and Harlan isn't going to help that so let me know when you want your body back ready Haley literally makes me want to slam my face into a wall I hate this shitty place so much but I got to act like I'm okay because I want to leave.

April 20th 2017 literally Jody drives and mad all she is is rude and disrespectful to other staff and gets mad when we ask her to do her job for us like opening the door so hard apparently definitely can see Kevin has the same feeling of being pissed off as me thank God she gets off at 3 it said she lets other peers talk s*** on other staff when they're on break like what the f*** do you think that she would take it into consideration of others feelings but our own we can't even ask for a damn pain without her getting pissy because she's lazy and doesn't even want to get up Ellis and I are getting closer and closer by the day and she makes me smile I couldn't ask for a better best friend I can tell Dakota is getting as depressed as I am some people don't understand that I am really depressed I tried talking to Shane about it but he doesn't really listen I talk to my dad for the first time yesterday and 3 to 4 months and he wants to come see me next weekend but I don't know how it's going to go if I keep f****** things up like with mine aggravation I'm happy people like Kevin and Crystal work at a f*****-up place like this and I don't know what I'd do without them is it bad I really hate myself the way you look feel and think like why do I have to think so negatively why do I have to talk on myself I don't want to be happy I feel like I need someone to help me feel like I matter and I'm not talking sex I mean truly matter I'm tired of getting used by guys just because they need something to get off to you for a few hours I made a post your today of myself and what I thought about myself and a lot of it was true but it was really negative and I can't help that that's what I've been called All of My Life worthless b***** piece of s*** or drug addict alcoholic failure that the list could go early on and on forever I wish I had someone I could vent to whenever I wanted to but I can't because not everyone is trustworthy and everyone is judgemental in their own way Jeremy drives me crazy and I keep being told that she's 13 don't let her words affect you but all I can think of is that she's human or words are going to affect me and if anything every human's words affect me because I know that I'm very on self-confident and such a low self-esteem I have a huge bruise on my arm and it hurts really bad but who cares right mentally people ask why I want to kill myself and all I can think is I won't be a failure anymore to my family and abused and I won't have to self Medicate anymore The Perks of Being restrained is having a baseball-sized bruise on your arm for 2 weeks.