^^Namjoon is soo cute💖
Appreciate this dimpled bb, working so hard for us! He's so friggin cute and thoughtful and sweet, how can u resist?!😆
(Lisn to reflection while or b4 reading ;3)
Enjoy!❤
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Namjoon didn't know what he was doing there. He didn't even know how he got there, in his haze of misery and disappointment. All he knew was that the past few days, there had been a weight on his chest, a darkness of sorts surrounding his heart; drowning him from within, and this weight, this feeling had gotten absolutely unbearable now.
But, as he stood swaying on the thin railing of the roof of his girlfriend's apartment building, he felt weightless. All the harsh thoughts the feelings, of despair flew out of his mind and heart with the harsh wind. He felt like a feather, the slightest tilt and he would be flying and he would finally be free and could rid himself of.. everything.
It had been two weeks since she left for her tour; two weeks since Namjoon slept through the night. He would lie there tirelessly, letting his thoughts consume him. He didn't know he depended on her, to this extent, to eliminate his desolation, that he would be lost without her.
He had been suppressing; ignoring the sadness. He kept it at bay for a long time and just let her make him forget, all melancholy thoughts naturally leaving his conscience when she was by his side. But without her, the sadness, the despair flooded his mind, he was drowning in himself, until he couldn't breathe. Up here however, all he felt was the wind in his face and all he saw now was the street below him.
Namjoon had come here hoping to meet his lover, finally back, but when he didn't find her, the disappointment was heart wrenching and so he found himself up here.
'How peaceful it would be, a numbing sleep.. forever. I wouldn't feel anymore, all my troubles would go away. What's the point of this wretched life what good even am I? I couldn't help, I couldn't save my mom and sh- she left me. And after, I became a mess, and so dependent on the one most important person I have left. I'm such a burden. Surely she would be happier without me' Tears prick his eyes as the harsh words his brain whispered, sliced deeply through his heart.
'After all, the truth is harsh isn't it? What good even am I? just a waste of flesh and blood. I can't possibly do anything right, all I do is wreck everything around me and burden those I love. Even the boys at the dorm have to go around cleaning my mess, fixing things I destroy and taking care of my belongings for me because I can't even take care of my own things. Jin and Yoongi having to bare with me whining and crying at 3 in the morning, even if they never complain, even if they claim to be happy to have their "reliable leader" around and say that they love me. Even if she says she needs me and loves me.. They would all be letter off without me right? Wouldn't she? She won't have to take care of a mess like me and she can travel and write to her hearts content. I hope she becomes everything she's dreamt of because she's amazing and really deserves it. She doesn't need my weight holding her down. What if...?'
With a bitter smile and tears now streaming down his face, he released his sweaty grip on the railing and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He watched as his breath formed a small cloud of water vapour and then dissipated. When Suddenly, something slammed into him and he was falling... without his consent, right when he had decided against it.
***
Only when he feels his back hit the cemented floor of the roof does he realise he had been falling backwards. And only when he opens his eyes, previously clenched shut, does he realise that the panting figure weakly leaning against the railing, had just pulled him off the railing, right when he had silently decided to live on anyway, for her. And in his state of self annihilation he never even noticed her presence until she was standing in front of him with her hair coming loose of her messy bun in the wind and fresh tears staining her flushed cheeks. Her eyes filled with rage and sadness but above all, hurt.
