Is there any devotion within this commotion?
How can I be sure that this is not becoming a bore
I should care yet I'm unaware
On how to react upon the fact
That you are gone.
I'm meant to cut you out of my life they say, like you have with ours
They know themselves it's not as simple as that, nor will it ever be
Because even though we were never that close
Even if we were dysfunctional and incomplete with sentiment
You will never cease to be what is family but I guess that doesn't matter
When our family was never a home.
Home.
The word so distant to me that it is just merely a word
Not a place of compassion nor comfort
And by far not a place to seek safety in.
The years have passed by with pretence in our words,
Our actions,
Our love, yet so much of a hug I receive
But is it so much of a hug I deserve?
Struggling, denying, demoralising
That's what our family has always been and will always remain to be
So I cannot blame you for running away without a word
Or without a trace.
But I can blame you for the pain you've caused,
The pain that I am trembling with
The pain that she is trembling with
The pain that they refuse to tremble with
As we have established that you are gone,
And that you are never coming back.
