Mary Was The Marrying Kind

Yeah, Jenny was the kind you'd call up late
For a date on Friday night
Didn't never matter how much I had to drink
She come and give me a ride

"Too much to drink again, Jake?" Jenny asked as I slid into the passenger seat of her little blue Honda.

With a smirk, I replied, "Nah, never that, Jen."

She rolled her eyes but a small smile crept on her face as she pulled the car from the parking space in front of Sydney's Bar.

Yeah, Becky was a hell-raising, dart-throwing girl
That could match me beer for beer

"Come on, Jake! I know you can't be through already! I didn't know you were such a light weight," came Becky's loud, drunken laugh.

I glanced in the direction I thought she was and let out a boisterous chuckle as I went to pull the darts from the board.

Ally was a singer with stars in her eyes

"I've got dreams to chase Jake, and I sure ain't going to accomplish that here," Ally said as she gestured to the long dirt road that led from my home.

"Then go," I replied with a nonchalant shrug as I left her standing on my front porch watching my retreating form go in the house.

With a frustrated sigh and a curse, I heard her slam her car door shut as she turned the vehicle on.

And Mary was the marrying kind

"Mary, what do you see in this little ol' rinky dink town? Don't you want to go somewhere different? We've been here our whole lives, don't you ever wonder what's beyond cow pastures and corn fields?"

A thoughtful smile came to Mary's face as she replied, "Why go somewhere different when everything I want is right here? I know everybody in town, I'm going to school to get a degree for a job I love, and I don't need to leave to know that there's more to life than small towns, Jake."

"Yeah, but don't you want to explore? To have adventure?"

She shrugged and said simply, "Not everybody has wild oats they want to sew, Mr. Montgomery."

Gretchen was a grad student working on her masters
A little too smart for me

"Could you believe that they actually had the audacity to question my thesis?" Gretchen drawled on and on.

"I have never in my life even thought about plagiarism, and yet they think they have compelling evidence to believe otherwise! Against me of all people! How stupid could they be?!" she screeched.

I hummed a half-hearted reply and before I knew it, her screeching was directed towards me.

"Are you even listening to me, Jake?!"

Tammy was a teacher, her daddy was a preacher
Evil as a girl could be

"Aw, come on Tam. It was just a joke!" I promised as I followed her out of the classroom.

"I'm surrounded by eight year olds every day, Jacob. I don't need another one," Tammy said as she glared at me while trying to pull the feathers out of her hair.

"I didn't know it'd upset you this bad. And just think, after a few more months, you'll have your degree and you won't have to put up with snot-nosed kids anymore anyhow."

"The children aren't the problem, Jacob. You and your backwoods, hick pranks are!"

"No, you and your hypocritical holier-than-thou attitude is the problem, Tammy!," I mumbled as I walked down the hallway.