Hello, Privet! #1: Hello/Привет

Chapter 28

DANIEL

"Anything new with you today?"

Anton shrugs. "I received a present from my sister."

"That's nice of her."

"Socks. She wants me to wear them on my next tournament. They have tennis balls on them. She says they will bring me luck." Anton adjusts in his seat. "I have a question for you, Dr. Rosenbaum."

"Yes?"

"Nu vot—ah—you know, I met a girl."

I remember John telling me that Anton is constantly meeting girls. John also told me that Anton is not above hooking up with fans, and mostly, they aren't serious. And Anton, like most guys, is also not above talking about these girls, but now I wonder why he wants to talk about this particular girl in therapy. "What is she like?"

"She is very smart, you know, smarter than me, smarter than any girl I know...but sometimes she is very much like a child. Very—how to say—sensitive and she cannot help it but to show her feelings, you know? When she does not like something, she tells me about it. She says what she is thinking."

I think I know someone like that. I smile. "She sounds lovely. Where did you meet her?"

Anton shakes his head vehemently. "No, no. It is not what you are thinking. We are working together. That's all."

"All right—what made you think of her?"

"Okay, this morning—I tried to help her, you know? I tried to give her some money. To help with the money, you know?"

"Uh-huh."

"She would not take my money. Even if she needed it."

"Why is that?" I ask. "Did she ask for help?"

"No—I wanted to be nice to her."

"Hmm. Sometimes, when you help other people, if they don't ask for your help, they can regard your efforts—negatively."

"But why? I was trying to help—"

"And that is good. It means you're trying to establish friendships, an area in which you've had some difficulty in the past."

"I have difficult friendships?"

I review my notes. "Sometimes it appears you view people as valuable only for what they can do for you. You hesitate or—you do not want to extend your relationship beyond the work relationship."

"I can't trust people quickly. But that's a good thing, yes?" Anton seems discomfited. "I must protect myself."

"Sometimes, it's good—the difficulty to trust can be a good thing, but it's also a barrier preventing you from forming meaningful, intimate relationships. It's textbook. You grew up with no constant parental presence—and you were separated from your parents at a young age, where you formed your personality and character apart from them. This interfered with the development of your secure sense of self. You had no assurance while growing up that your needs will be met and respected, or that the people around you can be counted on when you need them. You went to a tennis school, am I right? Your income depended on whether you did well as a tennis player."

"Yes..."

"You grew up thinking that you were only worth something if you did well on the tennis court."

"So, what is wrong with this?"

I lean back on my chair. "This is your world. It's the system. It is possible that you might link your personal worth to your success in tennis."