Prologue
I passively remember the time in my life where love was a desperate need. Im going to start with a long story about my middle-school years . I was deeply head over heels in love with a cute babyfaced looking girl named s**i (real person). I noticed her in my seventh period class and i lost all of my sh*ts. I thought she was the cutest weirdest and the most unique girl I've ever seen (funny fact- I thought all of this stuff before i've even spoken to her). I sat diagonally and way across the class room waiting for the right moment to approach her. And before you know it my teacher started complaining (becauae she was on some weird ish) and re-arranged the classroom's seating chart. Lets just say I sat directly in front of her (i know what a weird coincidence, something that may be false to add spice to a story but no it happened).
Sixth grade:
So yeah basically a week has passed and I cant even look at this girl. Dude i was sitting there stuttering in my mind (thats how f***ed up i was). Get this i used to go home make a huge elaborate plan on how i was going to introduce myself to this devine being (bruh i had issues). But i was determined to speak to her , and nothing was going to stop me nahwting! I went in the next day and said hello in the most awkward way possible yaboi was like "he...he..h..su..hello" (im literally cringing as i type this ) and to my suprise she said hello back with a smile (so you already know i eased up and spoke to her ....i didnt do that sh*t 😐). On a side note what killed me in middle school was my extreme insecurities i felt as though my presence served no purpose whats so ever. My self image wasnt a good one and it woud be an understatement to say I lacked self confidence (funny how i say lacked like its still in the past ) . I ofcourse look back on the entire thing and wish I could have been more confident, that i couldve atleast spoken and established some form of a relationship with this girl. As each day went by I started to noticed that the school year was coming to an end , and I'm
still a weird awkward boy with a face without a name. I went home each day with the thought of seeing her tomorrow,I went home each day wishing I could change myself so that I could speak to her and appear somewhat cool (not really "cool" just interesting). Dont get me wrong i had opportunities , there would be days where she would say something to me and like I would freeze up and just get really shy. Like looking into her eyes and that cute face rendered me speechless (corny as f**k). Long story short months go by and i realize i still freaking like this girl (😑 I hate the feeling of vulnerability). I used to go home and reflect on my life , it was just depressing to have to go sleep to the thought of self-doubt. I on top of everything else had grades to worry about, because around the ending of 5th grade year Ive become a slacker. So every night was a double whammy sophicating me in feels. Everyday i saw this girl and didn't expect there to be an open hello , and i if i were to break this awkward barrier i doubt she would want to love an idiot who cant even love himself. I opened up to friends about the crush but none motivated me to speak to her well one did but thats a story for the next part (my 7th grade year). Before you know it i was on the last day of school, and i took my lost. I looked at her and i wanted to become a person to her, and sadly but not to anyone's suprise i didnt...
(Part 2 coming soon)
