"But your are more beautiful than your story.."
Am I really though. Isn't our story what makes us? My story, here it goes. I come from 2 divorced parents, my parents were together 13 years before they decided they didn't want to love each other anymore. I watched an 11 year old, as my family for tore apart piece by piece. The saddest part of my story, I fell in love at 12, with a guy that I thought put the moon and stars in the sky. Then he raped me, took every innocent piece of me and through out the door. He abused me, and reminded me daily how shitty I really was. He told me I'd never become anything that no guy would want me. He tore me apart, took my self esteem away from me and almost my life...
Then came Ben. Ben was my best-friend and probably the biggest part of me. One night me and Ben went for a drive and I told him about Wes. He pulled over to the side of the road and hugged me, probably harder than he realized. But, in that embrace I felt safe I felt loved. That night he looked at me and said "people are going to hurt you but that doesn't make you any less amazing, in fact it makes you that more amazing fighting so hard to be happy again." Little did I know one day I would have to apply that to him. You see Ben had an addiction problem. So, he took his life, he overdosed to make his life easier. He hurt me more than anyone ever had.
So who am I? I'll answer that for you. I am the victim of rape. I am the victim of addiction lose. I am the victim of a tore apart family. I am a victim of a depression and anxiety.
When I look in a mirror I don't see me...no, I see him, I see where he touched me, I see where he bruised me, I see all the scars and bruises, both physically and emotionally. I look at my reflection and I see a girl with bags under eyes, I look at my eyes and it's like I'm seeing a ghost. My eyes have become glossed over, my smile is fake, my heart it doesn't beat right, tears stain my cheek on a daily basis. But is that who I am! Am I what Happened to me, am I just what I see in my reflection or am I more? Am I the amazing person Ben saw or am I the piece of shit Wes saw. Will I make it like Ben told me or will I amount to nothing like Wes said. I guess only time can tell.
