I thought we might want to start with one of the most popular and most talked about kinks: BDSM. The acronym is a three strand term, standing for Bondage & Discipline/ Dominance & Submission/ Sado-Masochism.
The whole trope of BDSM, some people might argue, has been skewed by Fifty Shades of Grey's interpretation of the matter, stating that the basic mechanisms (Safety, Sanity and Consent) have been under-represented in this fiction novel. The Atlantic's article titled 'Consent Isn't Enough: The Troubling Sex of Fifty Shades'explains it better than I could:
❝ Sometimes, Ana says yes to sex she's uncomfortable with because she's too shy to speak her mind, or because she's afraid of losing Christian; she gives consent when he wants to inflict pain, yet that doesn't prevent her from being harmed... ❞
And then here's an actual excerpt from the book that highlights how this couple are doing it wrong:
❝ And he hits me again and again. From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop. But I don't. I don't want to give him the satisfaction... ❞
There's a lack of sincere consent and it certainly doesn't seem as though she's into it. It's literally infuriating to me how the communication clause is completely ignored. But hey, it's just an erotica... Right?
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Of course, we are not just here to slate Fifty Shades, we're just showing you how a mainstream book can be damaging to the messages we put out to society about our community - how easily a seemingly innocent erotic book can leave a bad impression on how we do things, and a misleading essence on what emotions should be elicited while taking part in a scene. This is something that you should be aware of while writing your own stories and you should actively avoid if you are personally carrying out a scene yourself.
Simple questions to ask yourself:
"Does it seem that any form of manipulation has effected the consent of any participants?"
"Does their body language suggest that they are not really into it?"
"Am I taking advantage to any lack of experience my partner has?"
If you answer yes to any of these questions, re-evaluate your scene. Respect boundaries. Communicate.
Making sure that you practice BDSM without relying on ill researched material (such as this erotica) is crucial. Though we admit we're not experts, both admins have really put a lot of time into researching everything we could on how to safely pursue this kink. Hopefully this helps you all!
