Changing Names

Prologue

I looked at him, the moonlight shining over his black curls in the moonlight, and wondering how the hell I had gotten here, and after three months here I was feeling finally worn down by him, all of his antics. He'd go out all day and leave me alone, the others minding their own business and doing their jobs, but I didn't have a damn job, so I sat there because god knows I wouldn't go on the streets with him, as his damn new girl, because God knows how many he'd had. I wasn't his. I wasn't anyone's and sometimes I consider my options... But I feel panicked then because I knew who they all were, I'd found out how truly fucked up people are. All criminals, all hurt, all just wanting to feel something. In that way though, people are amazing they can push through anything, and some bounce back quicker than others. Eric, as he looks like a God laying next to me, gets through with needles piercing his veins, and girls to string along. I just write, like I am now. maybe when I leave one day, I'll leave them here, in this room that smells of lilac candles, and weed with a girl with blue hair lying in the bathroom, and a boy with blonde hair and a lip ring on the floor, who I've never  seen sleep, in fear one day his past will catch up with him, so he blows all his money on fancy coffee, and 5 hour energy. everyone is so different, and yet we can all live in the same space, as a system, a work force almost. I'm in love with them all I think, and if I left I'd leave my family, because that's what we've become. Before them I never knew what it felt like to truly be scared, not for my life at least. I never knew that women and men all are wonderful to love and someone would truly love me for me. The girl with the denim eyes, and long  blonde hair who smelled like cigarettes and breath mints who would hold my hand when I was happy, and hold me when I was sad, take me to obscure coffee places, and who had a new stupid story to tell me every night before bed, or the boy with bleached hair and looked like a member from a band I don't remember, a vague memory who plays my favorite songs on his guitar, the only person I would actually describe with the word "sunshine".  We all come and go, and fuck and love and laugh and cry, and get drunk and high, and yes I changed my name and threw my phone away and dyed my hair and somehow, I wouldn't have it any other way as we run around the bend, away from the cops who have no idea who they're talking to, two beds in a Hampton inn, we take turns sleeping, and I love to sit on the windowsill, and my head is moving faster than my pen can handle.. Sorry I'm rambling on but you have to understand that I've never felt so alive. I think, well I know somehow I've made a huge mistake and I miss my brother and wonder if my dg is still alive, and miss the sea salt, but even if I came home, they wouldn't want me... they never did, till I left. but these people... They do. They care. We can't call 911 because we're all hiding from something. I'm a runaway, and no one would ever expect it, the way I act in the city- like I'd been living here forever. I have pride for this city and yes, drug deals and all that is wrong, but I'm not the one doing them. I just write what I see, who I see, who I've loved and hated.  How I've seen the people in this city finally stand up for what they know is right.

                            People are BEAUTIFUL- and God, don't forget it.

                               -A