I do not even know how to explain this. I have an interesting way of showing what I am feeling.
I am lost
and
I am confused
and
I don't understand
and
I just want to cry
you have no idea how much I cry
and I can't say anything
because I will just cry again
and again
and
again
So I don't for you
Even though I know you cry too
even though you shouldn't
but I want
you
I just don't know how to say that
when
I know
it is better
for you
to not
have to deal
with this mess
Don't lie to me
I know
and
you can't fool me
because
THIS IS WHAT I DO
so don't tell me it's okay
because it's not okay
it's
not
okay
you should know
I should know
everyone on this whole damn planet should know
how
not okay
this is
even though,
what have they done,
even though,
stop trying to change it,
even though
there is nothing we can do about anything
it is
not
okay
just because I miss you
just because I you
no
I don't even think I can say it anymore
I don't even know if it is real
I can't tell what is going on inside this
brain
and
I don't understand
and
I am confused
and
I am lost
and
and
it's stupid really
what is going on side this head of mine
because you said not to question it
you said not to ponder it
but how am I not supposed to wonder
if it would be
better
for you,
even though I want you
even though you want me,
if you didn't have
me
T
H
I
S
I
S
W
H
A
T
I
D
O
I stopped
and remembered talking about you appearing out of no where
and
I thought about what would happen
if you
ended up
behind me
in the cafeteria
and I would walk up to you
half wanting to run into your arms
and half calm
and say
that I had built up a reputation
for never giving hugs
and you would say that you didn't care
and
you would hold me
right there
in the middle of this cafeteria
where everyone could see and watch
and I smiled
because it's you
I smiled because I want you
I
want
you
But you can't want me
You have to move forward
You have to have a life
You have to
I just don't want you to
Even though I do
even though I don't
I just don't understand
I just want it to stop
I want it to go away
I want it to want you
but it hurts
to want you
because I belong
and you don't
because I can laugh
and you can't
because I have people
and you don't
because I belong
and you don't
and
it's like all I have been doing is just stringing you along
through all this time
in all these many different ways
even as I am dying
even as I am wavering
and crying
this is what I do
