I sat there on the cold bathroom floor, crying as the blood ran down my wrist. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed a release, but I knew better. The temptation had won this battle. As I lay there wounded, I could feel my eyelids growing heavier as the world faded to blackness.
***
I woke up in a white room to the sound of beeping in my ear. It only took me moments to realize where I was. This was not the first time I had been to this place. A woman dressed in scrubs pulled back the curtain, shielding me from the busy hall. She gave me a small smile as she walked over to the machines behind me jotting things down on the clipboard she held. On her way out she turned to me and said "I'll page your parents and the doctor", and with that she slid the curtain back to its original position and closed the giant sliding glass door in front of me. Once again I was alone.
Time passed ever so slowly as I awaited for the presence of the woman in white. I decided to turn on the television, just for some background noise. I wasn't in the mood to watch other people's tragedies so I flipped it to Sponge Bob. "Maybe this will take my mind off things" I mumbled to the walls; my only true friends in this screwed up society. I laid my head back and closed my eyes imagining myself anywhere but in this hospital bed.
I was awoken by the sound of whispering outside my door. I couldn't quite make out their exact words, but I did hear the word 'institution'. My mind began to race with all the possible solutions. I tried to think positively, but I knew deep down exactly what was going to happen. Moments after my mini panic attack the woman in white came through the door. She smiled at me pulling up a chair beside the bed I was in. She pushed her gold-rimmed spectacles onto the bridge of her nose, peering through them onto the clipboard lying on her lap. She cleared her throat and scooted closer.
She asked me multiple questions varying from my birth date to the reason I had hurt myself. It was very uncomfortable even if this wasn't my first rodeo. I answered the best I could, hoping to get it over with as soon as possible.
The intense questioning only lasted about twenty minutes. When she was done she thanked me and exited promptly. My mother came rushing to my side. Her eyes were glassy and her cheeks red. She had been crying. Sudden guilt rushed over me. I looked down at my lap trying to hold back the tears, but a few slipped out. She sat on the edge of the bed, pulling me into her embrace. We stayed that way until the paramedics opened the glass door. "Are you Madison Barnes?" the muscular man dressed in navy blue asked. I nodded slowly. They helped me out of the bed and onto the stretcher, strapping me in once I was settled. They rolled me around to the emergency exit and into the back of the ambulance.
The ride was long and awkward. The paramedics tried to talk to me but I just kept to myself. I was not exactly in the chatting mood, but who would be in my situation. So I laid my head back and closed my eyes hoping this was all just a dream. I even tried pinching myself, but I was stuck in a terrible thing called reality.
By the time we reached our destination it was supper time. The drive had only been an hour or so, but it seemed so much longer. A cheerful young female dressed in blue print scrubs met us at the back door. The paramedics released me from the restraints. They waved and wished me luck before returning to their busy schedules. The cheerful female introduced herself as Sam. She led me down a hall and to a room labeled 'Conference' When she opened the door I saw my mother and grandmother sitting on the brown leather couch in the corner. I followed Sam into the room and sat in between my mother and grandmother. Sam sat on the couch opposite to us. She began to go over things; clarifying things and explaining others. I began very interested in the painting behind her head. As she babbled away I was mesmerized by the use of color and texture in the painting. It made it really come alive. By the time I collected myself Sam had presented my mother with the necessary forms. She carefully inspected the paper before signing them and handing them back to Sam. She stood up and exited out a door on the opposite side of the room. My mother and grandmother said their goodbyes just as Sam returned. Sam guided me through the door she previously retreated through. It led to the nurses station and through it we reached the main acute unit. The walls were white with a maroon stripe in the middle. The floors were laminated wood. The room was long. On the left side there were wooden tables and chairs set up . On the right, couches and a television mounted on the wall. Straight ahead there was a long corridor that took you to the sleeping chambers where the patients stayed.
