Anxious

What is anxiety? 

What is anxiety? 

Anxiety is the feeling of always being on the edge. It's the feeling that something's wrong or something bad is going to happen, even if there is no reason to feel danger is upon you. It's living in constant fear.

Anxiety is overthinking to the point where your laying on the ground in the fetal position with tears in your eyes. It's never  leaving your house because you're genuinely convinced that something terrible will happen. It's never  leaving your house because you're afraid to be seen by people; afraid to be judged by people; afraid to be near people. 

Anxiety is staring up at your dark ceiling one hour before you have to wake up because you couldn't sleep due to your poisonous thoughts. It's feeling like the world is moving too fast and that you'll never catch up. It's sweating profusely because you're thinking about how much your thinking which gets you thinking 'you should really stop thinking' so you think of ways how to stop thinking. 

Anxiety is not being able to talk to someone whether it's strangers, friends, or even family. It's having your heart race along with your mind when someone asks a simple question such as 'how are you?' It's terrible because you feel as if nothing is safe. Your mind isn't safe. Your home isn't safe. What once was your safe place, is no longer safe. 

Anxiety is having no escape. It's having no control. You feel lost, you feel hopeless, you feel terrified. Your mind is scattered with these thoughts that destroy your life from the inside out. You can't get rid of the thoughts either. Your life falls apart. It's feeling like nothing can save you. 

Anxiety is drowning in your own thoughts. It's coming up with every reason to be afraid or feel unsafe in every waking moment of your life. And no matter how many times you say that everything is okay, your mind says otherwise.

Anxiety is so terrible that you start to develop even more problems like OCD and depression. It's when you have to take medication just to ease your mind. 

Anxiety is when you worry about absolutely nothing. You avoid eye contact with the person you're talking to, not because you're not listening, but because you're listening to your own thoughts. It's having the constant metronome of your pulse fill your ears. 

Anxiety is worrying about when and where your next attack will be which sometimes can trigger another attack right then and there. 

Anxiety is when you know that other people seriously don't understand just how severe it is. They all say 'don't worry' like it's a choice. If I could just stop worrying about every little thing in my life, don't you think I would?

Anxiety is not seen from the outside so everyone thinks that you have your life together when in reality, you're suffering. Just because you can't see the problem, people assume that it doesn't exist. They treat it like it's nothing. They say that you're just saying these things for attention. No. I'm saying these things because it is indeed real and I am aware that I need help. 

Anxiety is petrifying. You fear that you will lose your mind. It's a black hole that sucks up all of your happiness and sanity and takes over your life leaving you helpless and scared. 

Anxiety is painful. People think that you're not really hurting unless you've broken a bone or you're bleeding, but sometimes the most painful thing is something that you can't even see. 

Anxiety is when you have to learn how to not show signs that you're hurting, because no one wants to talk about something that they can't understand. 

Anxiety is when you're breaking ever so slowly and no one can see that that piece which used to be apart of you now is gone along with the rest of you. 

Anxiety is frustrating. It's beating yourself up over whether or not you should do something or drop it, or if your should go out with your friends or stay home. Decisions are the absolute worse because what if you make the wrong choice? With a mind full of what ifs and whys and hows and maybes, you're torn apart by fears and voices that you deal with every second of the day. 

Anxiety is when you can't even figure out the solution to the problem because most of the time there is no problem. There's no life or death situations, it's just feelings, which I happen to be feeling all at once.