She sat in her room with her hands on her lap. She was all alone like she had been for the past few months. She was just getting used to the feeling of being alone, but she kind of liked it.
Things had took a turn for the worst in the middle of her Sophomore year. Things that were left unsaid for a year came out in one big explosion. If it wasn't for her family, Riley would've probably died from the impact of it all.
It started with Maya.
"It's not fair, Riles. I'm always the one who's broken. Why does it always have to be that way with us?" Maya asked one evening when she climbed into Riley's window.
"Where did that come from?" Riley asked, shocked by her best friend's outburst. The question seemed to anger the blonde.
"It's been there since the beginning, Riley! Every since we were young, I was the broken one and you were the perfect one," Maya confessed. "Yeah, you were and are always there to try to put me back together, but I don't want that anymore - I don't want to be broken anymore."
"Okay. What do you want me to do?" Riley asked, completely caught off guard. Maya ignored her completely and kept ranting.
"I want to hope and I want to get something I want - someone I want for once. I want happiness and I know that a boy doesn't equal to happiness and I know I can be happy on my own, but I want a relationship now," Maya was now pacing back and forth. "I don't want to hide from my feelings anymore, but I also don't know what to do."
Now Riley was the smartest one out there so as soon as Maya said that, Riley knew who she was talking about. "Who do you want, Maya?"
Maya finally stopped pacing and looked at the girl on the bed. "Lucas," May finally said, her voice holding a sense of fear in them. "I want Lucas and I know I can't have him because you guys are waist deep in this unofficial thing you have going on, but I can't hide from my feelings anymore. I did it before and I can't do it again. I think I'm in love with Lucas, Riles."
"Okay."
It didn't end from there. It just got worse. This situation was too much for Riley to handle all at once so she needed some time- she told Maya she needed time. Unfortunately, the little blonde didn't want to wait.
Time and time again she would latch out at Riley for the little things before finally exploding. She told Riley she had waited three years without telling Lucas. She said she has stepped back for the second time in eighth grade and it was killing her. She said she couldn't believe how selfish Riley was being - she failed to realize that Riley was not trying she be, she just needed time. Maya threatened to tell Lucas of her feelings and she did.
It was then Lucas.
One afternoon while the unofficial couple was studying in Riley's living room, Lucas decided that it was best to rip the bandage off.
"Riles?"
"Huh?" she asked, her focus still on the homework she was doing.
"I need to tell you something." That got Riley's attention and she looked up at her unofficial boyfriend. She saw how scared and hesitance Lucas looked so she put two and two together.
"Maya told you didn't she?" He simply nodded. "Well, what do you feel for her?"
"I don't know, princess. All I know is - and I'm just being honest - is that I can't stop thinking about her and our mini relationship in eighth grade. I'm sorry. I'm just confused," Lucas confessed, looking at his unofficial girlfriend with sadden eyes.
"Okay. You should figure your feelings out and I'm going to let you."
She just needed time - she wanted time. She had a routine in her life and she was accustomed to it. She needed a little more time to figure out everything in a changing world. Unfortunately, Lucas didn't feel like she needed time.
It turned out that Maya and Lucas were spending time together in the week Riley took off from her friends to figure out everything. When Riley confronted Lucas about her feelings towards the situation, he cut her off by confessing his feelings for Maya. He felt guilty for it - oh so guilty - but he couldn't deny his feelings for Maya. He liked her and he was unofficially breaking up with Riley.
It ended with Farkle.
"Riley, you know I will never hurt you, right?" Farkle asked her before he left Topanga's. They had been hanging out.
"Of course, Farkle. You're my best friend."
"That's why I'm going to need you to understand when I say that I need to take some time apart from you."
Riley's previous smile disappeared. "It's because of Maya right?"
"She's having a hard time with you and her not talking." 'How do you think I feel?' Riley thought, but let Farkle continued. "I need to be there for her and to do that I need to stop hanging out with you for a while. I would do the same for you if it was the other way around. I did do the same for you."
Riley just gave a small nod and smiled, "okay."
Zay and Smackle did whatever Lucas and Farkle did so they didn't really notice the sudden absence of Riley.
For the past few weeks, her friends kept their distance. That left her a whole amount of time alone. Everything she did she had to do it alone.
At first it was hard, but soon she became accustomed to it. She found out that she liked being alone and she did a lot of stuff done. She liked the company of herself and she never thought she would've thought that. She also realized she was very dependent on people and she wanted to change that.
That's why when her friends came crawling back, she didn't accept. She told them she needed some space. She didn't tell them why, but she did assure them that she would come back to them and she would be there for them if anything happened.
The truth was she needed time from the people she was so dependent on so she could find herself. She needed to find herself by herself on her own time and terms. Also, she didn't want to just take back the people that was so quick to drop her. Her time off from them gave her some perspective and she realized they weren't the people she believed them to be. She needed to trust them again, but it wasn't so easy. She planned on discussing it with them in the future but for now what mattered most was her.
Riley stood in front of her body length mirror and stared at herself.
"Alright, Riley," she started, looking into the mirror. "It's just you and me."
For the first time in what felt like years, Riley smiled a genuine smile at herself.
You're going to be okay.
