My hearts become too cold to break .::ELY::.

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

I get up before Eugene and make breakfast, while blasting music into ears trying to make myself feel better. It's not really helping, I go wake up Eugene and tell him I'm taking the dogs out and that breakfast is ready downstairs. I let all three dogs out into the back yard and sit at my picnic table while they run around and play. Eugene comes outside with two cups of coffee handing one to me as he sits next to me, I haven't taken my headphones out yet and I probably won't. Eugene wraps an arm around my shoulder pulling my into his side, I stand up and just walk back inside Freakshow not far behind me. I've thought myself into a heartbreak. I'm literally my own worst enemy. I feed Freakshow and go upstairs to get ready for work. I'm just finishing putting my hair into a messy bun when Eugene walks in and pulls my earbuds out.
"Talk to me, what's wrong?" He asks I just shake my head and walk around him putting on my vans,"Beau, don't do this,"
"Do what?" I ask,"let's just go to work"
That had to be the biggest eye roll I have ever seen.
"Okay I'll take my car," he says grabbing his keys off of my dresser before going downstairs. I sit on my bed and put my head in my hands. I swore I wasn't going to let myself fall back into this situation, I wasn't going to fall for someone, especially someone I know I have no chance with, why do I always do this to myself? I always love the ones who could never love me. I can't keep doing this, after these three weeks I'll just cut everyone off, they'd probably be happier without me anyway. Fuck everyone and everything that make me feel this way. I dry my eyes and reapply my makeup, I'll just become as cold as the rest of the world.

Eugene

Beau's literally killing me, no matter how hard I try to get close to her, or try to tell her, well show her, how much I truly care about her, I would say that I am definitely falling for this girl. But I guess I shouldn't expect anything less from a girl who doesn't know what it's like to be in an honest committed relationship, everyone she's ever dated has treated her the same way, it would almost be safe to say she has a very toxic type. Who am I to think that I could change that? This video is a mistake. I notice Beau's black Audi A6 pull up behind me at the stop sign at the end of her neighborhood, she looks like she's been crying already, I made her cry. I'm already a terrible husband it's only been a day and I made her cry. After the last car passes I pull out and head to work we get on the freeway and she passes me, I guess 70 wasn't fast enough for her. But then again I wouldn't want to be around someone who made me cry either even in separate cars. I stop at Beau's favorite coffee shop and get her usual, vanilla bean iced coffee with extra espresso, and the biggest blueberry cheesecake Muffin I have ever seen in my entire life. It's almost as big as my face. I pay and set everything inside my car when Zach calls me.
"Yeah?" I say.
"What the hell did you do to Beau?" He asks.
"I'm not really sure," I say before telling about this morning and the night before.
"Well she's not talking to anybody, and how did she get here before you?" He asks.
"I stopped to get her breakfast since she didn't eat this morning, and she was going like 90 the whole way" I say starting my car again.
"I'll try to get it out of her, though you're her 'husband' you should be the one doing this" he says.
"I'm a block away from the office just wait." I say stopping at a stoplight in front of the parking garage for the office. As soon as I walk through the doors I can tell it's not going to be a good day.
"Hey Beau, I got you something," I say stopping on her side of our desk.
She doesn't even look at me I pull my chair around and sit next to her she looks over at me.
"Thanks, now go away," she says.
"Beau we're still doing a video together, so if you can't talk to me then what's the point of doing it?" I ask.
"That's exactly what I was just wondering, why have my time wasted again?" She asks,"or have my pretend time wasted, and that's all they're really doing with us, wasting time, we'd never actually be a couple, we wouldn't make it, so take your coffee and your muffin and go back to your side of the desk, and we'll get through these last couple days before I tell Ned I can't do this and we pull the plug,"
I just stare at her," if that's what you want,"
I stand up and take my chair back to my side of the desk, and work on my half of the new try guys video, but I can't concentrate on it, I keep looking back to the amazing and confusing woman across from me, I can't fathom how anyone would ever be able to hurt her the way they have, I thought I was the one who made her cry this morning and I was beating myself up about it the whole drive to work, I find myself just staring at her, wondering what horrors those beautiful hazel eyes have seen, how many hours she's spent just staring out the window trying to understand how she could be treated the way she was, and what made her any less than anyone else.
Nothing Beau, you're so much more, you think I'm out of your league, when it's completely the other way over. You deserve so much more than you've been given, and I could give it to you if you'd give me the chance.. Then again maybe it's not meant to be. I look away from Beau and try to work on the video, but Beau moves and I'm right back to where I was before, she's tearing up again. I reach across the desk and grab her hand, which she surprisingly allows me to hold, I was sure she would've pulled away by now.
I look over at her and she's already staring at me, I smile and she rips her hand from mine and looks back to her computer. I sigh, it's gonna be a long day.