You'll Just Know

Prologue

Prologue

When I was in third grade, I had a crush on a little blonde girl named Rhiannon Bishop. At that age, popular methods of flirting included pulling hair and calling each other names like Watermelon Head or Poo-Poo Breath. I flirted with her in this manner quite a bit, earning her outward disgust which I secretly understood to be romantic interest. As warped as this view was, I wasn’t mistaken. One day in class (while we were gluing together macaroni portraits of our country’s founding fathers) she passed me a note asking if I would go “steady” with her.

Despite this having been my goal all along, I found myself suddenly panicked. I mean, going steady was one step away from getting married, wasn't it? I thought I had better get all of the facts straight before making such a life-changing commitment. This train was moving a little too fast for my comfort. So, I put off answering until the next day.

That evening I went to my mother and, acting as nonchalantly as a third-grader can, asked, "Mom, how will I know if I'm in love?"

My mother had been ironing and the iron in her hand stopped moving. She turned to me with a whimsical you're-growing-up-so-fast smile playing silently across her lips, and considered for a moment about how best to answer my weighty question. I listened anxiously, half-aware that I was about to learn something profound and possibly life-altering. One of the big mysteries of life was about to be revealed to me…

Then, drawing on all of her years of experience and wisdom, my mother gave me this unforgettable insight: "You'll just know."

Thinking back on it, I really wish now that my mother had just admitted that I had stumped her, because her answer confused me more than ever. What did she mean "You'll just know?" How am I supposed to "just know" something like that? If I knew, I wouldn't have asked in the first place!

Frustrated and seeking to clarify things, I foolishly turned to my older sister Sandra. Her answer was even more bizarre, involving a string of cryptic pop rock lyrics and a mushy description of a boy she liked. This all only served to muddy to waters even more, and I left her more confused than ever.

You'll just know?

What a cop-out! If that was true, why couldn’t I “just know” math or social studies? Surely my mom had just been avoiding the question.

Now, though, if someone asked me how you would know if you were in love, I see that there really is no other way to say it. You'll just know.

     During the summer before my senior year of high school, my family moved from Hackensack, New Jersey to Devon, Indiana… a move that turned my world upside-down. So much happened during that one year in my life: the thunderstorms, the arrowhead, the golden jackal, and the incredible message from a dead woman named Norma. I came close to being killed that year—twice… but more important than all of that-- it was when I first met Wendy Cameron and I realized that mom had been right all along. From the moment I first saw her... I just knew.