Relationship Status. ON HOLD.

Raising a Baby 101

***PIC OF KARMEN***(Karmen is a about to turn 2 BTW)

Today, just like every other day since she was born Karmen wakes up two hours before my alarm clock. I sighed and got out of bed because Xavier is a ridiculously deep sleeper so he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon.

I threw on one of his hoodies and walked through the apartment and into her room, this was our last week of school this year and I couldn't be happier that we all made it. I went into the dark room and saw my little girl sitting in her crib waiting for me, when she saw me she smiled and stuck out her arms to be picked up. "Ma." She said with a smile as I held her in my arms tightly, we had to take Karmen to see her birth mother,Tinesha, today and I wasn't happy about it. We still don't have full custody of Karmen yet and it irritated Xavier and I so much.

The court says we need to have a paternity test done then there is the matter of my background checks and Tinesha's consent. Just thinking about it stressed me out so I tried to calm down. I fixed her bottle out of muscle memory and began to feed her. I heard Xavier's footsteps coming up behind me and I smiled. "Dada." Karmen announced as Xavier entered the kitchen.

"Good morning baby girl." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Did you sleep good?" He asked her, she just giggled in response. He took her from me and I handed him the bottle. Then they sat down at the table as I began to make coffee.

I looked over to see the two of them just sitting there smiling, they were each others whole world so I don't know what will happen if we don't get full custody of her. I shook the terrible thought out of my head and poured two mugs of coffee.

"Here babe." I said handing him his coffee. He took gratefully, smiled, and went in to kiss him but I stopped him. "Teeth." I said differing to the fact that I hasn't brushed my teeth yet and he understood. I dont see how he could do that everyday and still forget. I laughed a jogged back down the hall to start getting  ready.

I pulled the outfit from my closet took a quick shower and slipped them on. Then I did everything else getting ready entailed. Once I was finished I went to go get Karmen and get her ready, while Xavier also got ready.

Once we were all ready we left the house to go out for breakfast, it's something we usually do on days we have to take Karmen to see Tiny.

Xavier drive to the nearest IHOP, and when Karmen saw it she clapped her hands. "Hop, hop,hop!!!" She cheered excitedly in the backseat of the range rover. This child adored pancakes so naturally this was her favorite resturant. We got out the car took our usual table and received our usual waitress.

She took our orders and left. "Karmen, you what you gave to do today dont you?" Xavier asked.

She swiftly nodded her head. "What are you doing today sweetheart?" He question to see her response.

"Me, go see Titi." She said giggling. But that was the problem she got around her mother and called her 'Titi' which made her extremely mad, especially when Karmen calls me ' Ma'. Xavier let out a noise I can only label as frustration and was about to explain to her what we have to every week, when our food arrived. Karmen no longer had her focus on us but on the small circular pieces of food meant for her. It was no use we had to have this conversation on the way to Tinesha's house apperently.

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"Ok so who are you going to go see Karmen?" We asked as we turned onto Tinesha's street and prayed to god she said her mother because every time she calls that women 'Titi' I get cussed out, even though I didn't raise her to call me that.

"Me go see Momma."She said unsure while she looked between us for confirmation.

"That's right baby, you're gonna go see your Momma." I said with the fakest smile on my face. I knew eventually when she was older she would understand but for now we would have to explain it every time we had to drop her off, which hopefully will end soon. Xavier parked the car and got out to knock on the door while I got Karmen from the back seat along with her bag of clothes for two or three days and a few snacks along with a bottle. "Now promise me that you'll be good while you're with her ok?" I asked my precious baby as we walked to the door.

"I promise Ma." She whispered back to me like it was some huge secret. I knew the next part was gonna be the hardest, because when she was born she stayed with us and the custody battle is new she is only with Tinesha two or four days out of the month. Meaning whenever we hand Karmen off she cries and screams and tries to get back to us, it really takes a toll on us I hate it so much because I never wanna see her like that.

"Ok baby give one last hug before we go." Xavier said picking Karmen up. "Come on squeeze me really tight." He said playing around with her when she put some strength behind her little hug. "I'll see you soon baby girl." He said kissing her cheek softly, she nodded quickly and walked back over to me.

"Your turn Ma." She said wrapping her little arms around my legs and holding on for dear life. When I looked up I saw Tiny starring daggers at me, I couldn't help but feel bad for her though having your child call someone else 'Ma' must hurt pretty bad.

"Why thank you Karmen you remember what we talked about in the car?" I said kneeling down to her level, she nodded swiftly. And I smiled at her and hugged her close to me. Now comes the hard part, I picked her up and handed her over to Tiny. As usual there wasn't any trouble at first but as soon as we began to back off of the porch she began calling after us and crying. It tore my heart apart watching her struggle to try and get to us, eventually Tiny took her in the house frustrated and I knew we were going to get a phone call later from her about Karmen calling me 'Ma'. "I hate doing this Xavier." I told him as we headed to class.

"Me too, but there isn't anything we can do about it. If we don't take her Tiny will tell the court and then we won't get her at all." He said I knew he was right and that made it even worse. "We just gotta wait for the court to make the proper decision." He reached for my hand to give me slight comfort. 

"Yea I know." Is all I could think to say back, because we have this conversation once or twice a month. And every time we say the same thing. I just worry that she won't be paying attention and something will happen to Karmen. "I swear to god, if she lets anything happen to my baby, I will end her." I said gravely as we got out the car and headed toward the lecture halls.

"I know baby, I know." Xavier said before kissing me and going our separate ways. I met up with Briennon and Haley as I walked to class and began discusing it with them.

"So did she cry this time?" Briennon asked her voice laced in concern.

"Yea it was awful just like every other time." i said replaying the events that just occurred in my mind.

"I don't see why she does that if she can't take care of a baby?" Briennon said baffled by why anyone would do that.

"Because she know's that baby makes y'all happy, and since she ain't happy in her eyes nobody can be." Haley said shaking her head. I didn't argue with her because I didn't know what to believe at this point, all I know is I don't like handing our child over to her. And yea some people may say that I ain't Karmen's Mother and that I have no place in the matter, but I was there when she was born and have been here ever since through thick and thin so nobody has the right to tell me I didn't earn being called a mother.

"We'' you're better than I am DD, I just wouldn't take her over there anymore if it hurts Karmen and y'all so much." Briennon said after a moment of silence.

"I do it because of a few reasons, mainly because every daughter should have that mother daughter relationship and I grew up with out it so I want her to have it," They both just stared at me baffled, but I continued talking. "And two because if we don't the courts will give automatic custody to Tiny." I Said feeling defeated the more I heard it or said it. We found seats in the middle of the lecture hall and put our conversation on hold.