Suicide Note - Chapter One ((Non-fiction))

Dear Mom and Dad...

I'm sorry that I was never really the child you wanted me to be.  Being a mistake from the beginning, I must be a real disappointment to you.  I'm sorry for my attitude.  I'm sorry for leaving dishes out.  I'm sorry my room could never really stay clean.  I'm sorry for everything.  I'm sorry for being born.  

This isn't my first suicide note.  Not the first that Mom reads.  But it will be the last.  The last for you to ignore.  The last that you can pass off as "normal teen drama".

Why don't you get it?? I'm NOT a normal teen.  I still really miss Aunt Sherry.  I know its been almost 5 years, and I should be over it, but I still feel so broken up about it.  

Matt:  You're not my uncle.  You're not my friend.  You're not anything to me.  I'm 16.  It's not my idea of fun to lay on Dad and Melinda's bed being tickled by a 37 year old weirdo.  I actually kind of hate you.  You hit me all the time, and because you don't leave bruises, there's nothing that I can do about it.  Whenever I try to talk to you about it, you tell me I'm a wimp, or being immature.  I hate that.  I'm not weak.  Spineless.  A loser.  Any of it... I'm just not.  Just because I cut, or attempt suicide,  I think I'm incredibly strong.  I wake up each day  and I face up to the fact that as soon as I come home from school it will all be the same.  The one thing that i don't know is whether I'll be screamed at, or if I'll get creeped on by you.  

Sure, maybe suicide is a shitty way out, but its the way I want to go.  I remember the decision clearly.  It was in 7th grade.  I was playing bad-minton with Kristine, 'Don't Stop Believin'' by Journey was playing.  I don't know why I made the decision them, but I remember it well.  

I can't keep going on anymore.  I don't have the energy.  I'm SO tired now. I'm sorry it has to end like this.

You say that suicide is a weak way out.  And I'd be going out in vain.. but i have to wonder, even if i make ONE persons load a little lighter,, am I really going out in vain?

The End, 

Lucy xx