M-O

Part 10

We've just sat down for a bite to eat in Pizza Hut. Maia is colouring away in her high chair and Brad and I are deciding on our food in silence. The waiter came over and took our orders before we fell back into silence.

"So erm, what have you been up to?" I asked Brad making him snap his head up.

"Well for the past few months I've been on tour, we came back about a week and a half ago, and since then we've just been chilling, catching sleep and writing and recording for the 3rd album," Brad said with pride.

"Oh my word! 3rd album. I remember when you guys literally had the bones for wildheart and that was it!" I said in shock. These guys have come so far in the past two years clearly.

"Yeah! That seems like ages ago looking back now! That was on our first album and was our second single you know?" He said and I shook my head I had no idea. Then we fell into yet another silence. I sat there recalling the countless times he would ask if he could play me the same section of wildheart, I remember it like it was yesterday.

*Flashback*

"Leah can we play this to you please! I think it's really good!" He exclaimed like an excited child as he and James ran into the kitchen, where I was preparing dinner, with James clutching his guitar tightly in his hand. I giggled at their excitement and turned off the cooker pulling myself onto the worktop so I could become fully engrossed in the song. He cleared his throat and James began strumming a few chords.

'I was walking away,
But she's so beautiful it made me stay,
I don't know your name,

But I'm hoping she might feel the same,

Here I go again she's got my heart again,

Tonight we'll dance,
I'll be yours and you'll be mine,
We won't look back,
Take my hand and we will shine,
Woah- oh- oh, 

She needs a wild heart,
She needs a wild heart,
I got a wild heart .'

Once they'd finished they stared at me intently to hear my opinion on the song. 

"That was amazing guys, i like it," i said smiling and they high-fived each other. Brad then came over to me and hugged me, i hugged him tightly to show him how proud of him i am. 

"I love you so much," he whispered in my ear. I smiled at him and then connected my lips with his letting them move in sync

*End of Flashback*

"Leah," brad said waving his hand in front of my face, snapping me from my trance. 

"Sorry yeah?" i questioned him. 

"Erm the lady just brought our food over," he said giggling, i looked down and sure enough my food was in front of me. Maia had already got stuck in with her food so i did too. After a while of silence i think Brad started to sense that something was wrong. "Are you OK leah?" Brad asked, holding my hand.

I grabbed my phone off the table and ran into the toilets with tears spilling from my eyes. i dialled Nats number and held the phone to my ear as i slumped sobbing against the cubicle wall. 

"Helloooo," she said cheerily which honestly made me feel worse, i began sobbing harder. "Shit whats he done now? I swear I'm gonna kill him" she panicked. 

"Nothing, its just I've been holding it in all day but now we've sat down and have actually had a proper conversation its significantly harder than before," i cried and she sighed. 

"I know babe, i cant even imagine how hard this is for you. But you got this Leah! You're so strong, you've got through two of the toughest years of your life so far and you smashed it. We're so proud of you," she said trying to make me feel better. "Has something been said to make you like this?" she asked.

"I know it will probably sound really stupid to you but basically Brad and i were talking about what hes been up to and i was really surprised that they are onto their third album already. Then i had a flashback about the first time that Brad and James played wildheart to me and it dawned on me everything that has happened. I guess through the past two years I've just been so busy with Maia that i havent had a chance to sit back and reflect on my life and for some reason I've just begun to reflect," i explained, again sobbing. 

"Aw Leah, it kills me that you're upset, maybe talking about it with him will make you feel better," she suggested, and to be honest as much as I've dreaded that, i couldn't agree more. Talking and sorting this whole thing out will probably be the best for our future at this point. 

"Yeah i think so too, thank you so much Nat sorry," i apologised.

"Don't be sorry! that's what I'm here for. I will see you when you get home babe," she said before we exchanged goodbyes and i ended the call. I walked out of the cubicle and over to the sinks where i fixed my makeup as best as possible before taking myself back out to the table where Brad was sat staring in the direction of the toilet door. 

"I'm so sorry did i do something wrong?" Brad rushed out. 

"No, not particularly... Erm Brad, we need to talk," i sighed as i looked down and began eating once again.

"What about?" he asked and i just looked at him, pretty much telling him that was a stupid question. "Oh, yeah sorry. So did you want to go first or?" 

"I just need for everything to be clear," i explained and he offered for me to talk first, "I firstly want to apologise for being the crappiest, selfish girlfriend that i was. I thought i was trying, but clearly it wasn't hard enough. I'm sorry for putting you in the awkward position of having a child but i knew that an abortion was not even an option for me but i never considered how it would alter your life by me having a child. I guess really all i need to know is how it all went wrong, was there anything significant that i did that made you leave me?" i asked, finally everything was out and i felt so much better. He suddenly went from staring at me intently to having his eyes fixated on the table. 

"Leah, i wasn't completely honest with you that night," he said making me incredibly confused. "As an immature 18 year old i had my eyes set on one thing and one thing only, music and fame. I was so obsessed with the idea that i was willing to do anything to get to that goal, even if it meant leaving everyone behind to pick up my mess. I knew that what i was doing that night was morally wrong and i didn't want you to hate me but i knew that one of us would hate someone so my easy escape was to make myself look innocent and make you hate yourself," He explained, that broke my heart all over again.

"W-what do you mean?" i stuttered out, as tears threatened to spill once again. 

"I made out that you'd been an awful person and led me to depression but it was all lies and my easy escape. The truth is, i didn't have depression and i could tell that you felt bad about not having an abortion and were trying to make up for it by putting in extra effort, i just wanted to come out of it the good guy in a way," He explained obviously with pure regret laced in his voice. 

"So all this time I thought that i was the cause of all this but it wasn't me being selfish it was you?" i asked just to clarify i had heard him correctly. He hesitated but eventually nodded his head in shame. 

"I honestly am so ashamed of my actions, for so long i have wanted to tell you the truth and try to patch things up but as per usual i was scared, iI'm such a sad excuse of a man," he said, which made some of my anger subside. "I'm so sorry Lelo, i need you to know that through my actions and even after my love for you never minimised, i still and will always love you the same amount as the first time i ever laid eyes on you," he said holding my hand in his across the table. Tears welled up in his eyes making it clear that he was being completely genuine. I gave his hand a small squeeze and attempted to smile slightly to reassure him that it was all OK. 

"Its fine, but all that matters now is Maia and I'm very protective over her so if you dare even abandon her and leave her fatherless i will be a lot less forgiving," I explained very, very seriously.

"I would never even dream of doing that ever again, especially not my baby girl," he said as he smiled at her as she played with her pasta. "Thank you so much Leah, for everything. For forgiving me, for allowing me to spend time with Maia and yourself and also not getting that abortion because despite my anger at the time, i could never imagine how my life would be now without my little bubble in it," he said squeezing Maia's cheeks, causing her to erupt in giggles.

"Shall we get the bill and make our way home?" i suggested and he nodded signalling the waitress over.