Paramnesia

Stop Asking

I didn't really feel like editing this so, good luck!

•Chapter Six•
•Stop Asking•

I was moving through school like a zombie. Everyday became repetition. Go to class. Go to lunch. Smile. Go back home. Eat. Sleep. Go to school. Smile. Always smile. They'll know something is wrong if you don't smile. They'll start asking questions if you don't smile. Smiling is the key to everything, the secret of life. Smile and someday you'll believe you're happy. And then you're dead.

"Hey," Thea sat down next to me in stats, very tentatively, approaching me like a scared animal. As if I'd snap at anytime.

"Hey," I muttered back. Every word felt hollow coming from my mouth. Nothing had any meaning.

"How are you?" She asked.

"Stop asking me that." I turned my harsh stare onto her.

"I just want to know if you're okay." she whispered back.

"You asked me that this morning when, for some reason, you were waiting at my locker. You asked yesterday when you dropped me off at home. You asked during psych, lunch, and stats yesterday too. You asked the day before that and the day before that and the day before that." I knew my voice was rising and people were starting to glance over at us. "My answer hasn't changed in the last week let alone the last hour. I'm not okay, I might never be okay again. Stop asking." I managed to control my voice back to a whisper, but too many people were listening in now.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be smothering you, but I'm worried." She tried to defend.

"Well, stop it. Stop being worried. I'm not going to snap at any minute, I'm not some fragile glass that's going to break. Stop asking." I hissed between clenched teeth.

Thea opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She shut it before opening again, seeming to actually say something this time, but Mr. Fesko beat her to it. "Felicity, do you need to go see the guidance counselor? Take a walk?" He looked at me with concerned eyes, effectively dragging everyone's attention to me.

"Why do you and every goddamn teacher ask me those stupid questions? Stop treating me like a ticking time bomb!" I exploded. Standing up I gathered my stuff and left. I knew the irony of my situation. I proved Thea, Mr. Fesko, and all my other teachers correct. I was a ticking time bomb. And I finally exploded.

I found myself wandering into the library and heading to the back where I knew I'd find Greyson. Its where he always is. I don't know if he just has a lot of study halls or if he just doesn't go to class. Its probably the latter. I plopped down in a seat next to him. He had his hoodie up and book in front of his face, the same as the first time I saw him here.

"Greyson?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" He grunted, not taking the book away from his face.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." He breathed, finally dropping the book and looking at me.

"When does it stop? When do people stop asking if..." I didn't finish, he knew what I meant.

"I'll let you know, when people actually stop asking me." He gave me a lopsided smile.

"Can we agree to never ask each other that?"

"Yeah, I won't ask you how you're doing as long as you don't ask me."

"Thanks, I just need someone in my life who I know won't ask that fucking question. 'Cause you know, I mean you're the only one who knows. I'm not okay and it probably won't change, not for a long time, and you know, you understand this feeling. I can't even get near Ivy without her freaking on me. You're the only one I have, you're the only one who knows. Thea doesn't understand. My crazy fucking mom won't ever understand and my dad..." I was rambling and so I stopped. My throat hurt from talking too long. I don't do it much these days.