Don't

Can I?

The question: '"Will I complete a task?" should no longer be worded that way. Now the word will should be changed to the word can.

Can I complete a task?

I don't think I can even if I tried. I have lost so much passion to my depression especially within these past months. I have lost so much creativity through the years as my anxiety has manifested into a massive monster. I have lost so much stability since the accident. I have lost so much understanding of the world since the death of Rogue.

Was I always like this? Yes and no. I had suffered from my demons long before I met Rogue. I had been on medication and it was going back and forth on whether or not it was working before Rogue. She made me better though. She got me to unlock and open the cage that my creativity was trapped in. She gave me a shield that I used while my anxiety was attacking me

Losing her was and is the hardest thing I have/had to go though. Years of bulling does not come close to pain. The years of eating disorders does not touch the emptiness I feel in my body, heart, or mind when I think of her. The years of suicidal thoughts come flooding back as I question why I survived and she did not. Oh what a beautiful dream it would have been if we both would have left this cruel dark world together curled up, cuddling so tightly because we were hoping to become one through fusion of love. I want nothing more to be gifted a timeturner and not have gotten in that car. I want nothing more than to have not trusted that idiot boy to drive us home. I should have never trusted him, he had hurt me before and I was stupid enough to have forgiven him. I momentary trusted him with my life and the life of Rogue who was and will forever will be my physical heart. Why had I not learned from history that I should not trust anyone of the male species with my heart?

It has been eleven days since I heard metal crunching.

It has been eleven days since the EMTs loaded me up.

It has been eleven days since and I still don't want to wake up.