Nocturnal

Why do good people die? Is it god? Is it karma? I wish I knew. Even now as I look into the mirror adjusting my black tie I see nothing. It was only a year ago today that my mother had been diagnosed with cancer.

I never expected my mother to die at a young age. "Come on Brandon we have to get going! Everyone is waiting."

Mom? I turn around to see if it's really her. I smile for a moment then I snap out of it. "Give me a minute Leslie. I'll be down in a few." Leslie smiles and closes the door. You wouldn't be able to tell them apart if it wasn't for their hair. My mother's hair was a light brown mixed with a darker brown tone. Leslie's hair is black just black, nothing really special.

I walk over to my dresser and open the top drawer. The sun peering in my room makes my golden medallion shine bright. Even now after a year it still shines bright like the first day it was in my hand. It's a wonderful gift that I love and wish I never got. I remember that day. It was sunny outside; the leaves had just started to turn orange and yellow. The cool breeze that comes with the fall weather.

I remember that day so vividly. We were downtown, just me and my mother. I was too busy smelling the food auroma in the air to notice that something wasn't right. We spent most of our day looking around tents and checking out what they had to sell. An older oriental gentleman who looked like he was sick maybe even dying had on display a golden medallion of the arch angel Michael.

I can't explain why but I was drawn to the medallion. Just the way the sun made it glow made me want it. When my mother caught up with me she too was drawn to the same medallion. My mother started to bargin with the man. My mother always had a smile on her face, even when the old man told her that the medallion was more than she could afford. My mother just looked at the man. My mother had this thing where she could stare at you with those eyes. People would melt like butter. The way my mother talked the way she presented herself.

It wasn't until my mother whispered something into his ear. Whatever she told him it worked. The old man seemed different. I don't know what she whispered into his ear but whatever she said must have put him in a better place. He was practically giving the medallion away for free.

When my mother tried to give him some money he refused. The old man told my mother, "No misses please you take. It's a gift from me to you." The old oriental man places the medallion in her hands.

I couldn't wait to ask my mother what she had whispered into the old man's ear. I was going to ask her once we got to the car. Of course I forgot to ask because of my mother's singing. She had this thing where she loved to cruise for hours listening to the radio. She also thought she could sing.

Before we went home my mother and I had this ritual. Any time we would go to the flea market afterwards we would go to this Ice cream shack called Addys, where they sold pretty much anything from hot dog to hamburgers to shakes and smoothies. I ordered my usual and so did my mother. At the table my mother is enjoying her ice cream.

"Mijo, if I died tomorrow what would you do?"

I stopped eating my ice cream to look at her. It was like being slapped in the face for not paying attention. I thought really hard about what she had asked me. So I tried to answer her question.

"I don't know ma, I'd probably try and keep the house together try and get a job. Maybe drop out of school to pay the bills. I-I don't know mom. The truth is I'd be lost without you. Remember when you were in the hospital for a week when you were in that car accident?" My mother nods her head as she takes a drink from her fruit smoothie. "I cried every day that you were there. I contemplated what I would do if you died. I cried because I felt hopeless so I can't lose you. I didn't care if the other kids made fun of me. I cried like I was a baby. I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this life without you mother." I said as my voice cracked a bit.