Schrödinger's Cat

Untitled Part 1

Being a lucid dreamer has its perks.

You can control yourself in your dreams and somehow manipulate the dream itself.

But one thing is for sure. You can never control the person who is in your dream.

It goes like this...

I saw and had a conversation with you after a long time of separation. 

For the first time you admitted your mistakes, and so do I.

Your appearance inside my dream never changed since the first time I ever did.  Primly tied locks, your blue/white dress and your black shoes.

You sat at the corner of a play ground hammock, reading your now printed version of sheet music. humming the notes and swinging your feet mid-air. 

I approached slowly as I mean to surprise you, and you noticed as my shadow grew larger. Instead, you were the one who shook me as I walked close.

"Hey, it's been along time. I'm sorry" you said in advance. freezing my gait.

"I think I also need to apologize for everything." Thinking it was a big sorry that I met and befriended her.

Mistakes, mistakes, and much more mistakes. These were my only thoughts until she began to weep a tear in her gleaming eyes.

And then I realized, this was a dream. I changed the setting and made it more familiar. I changed the canvass inside my head and weaved the place I surely know, the church altar on the day you accompanied me before my exams.

I tried to console your sadness, talked to you for countless of hours in my dream asking every questions I could fathom even though you're only a fraction of my dream. 'cause I know that I'll never do it in my waking life. But these words were the ones I hated the most. 

"I'm really sorry for making your life miserable"

"I'm sorry for making you look like a fool"

"I'm sorry for taking you for granted"

"I'm sorry for making you the bad guy in our story"

At that time, I wanted you to just disappear. I never wanted to see you anymore, I never wanted to suffer anymore. Because I was done with you. I almost had to hurt myself for almost everyday just to forget. Tried to drown my mind with lots of activities to keep myself busy. All of these just to set my mind that I AM DONE. 

Your face became blurred, voice became faint. and your presence suddenly vanished. I woke up feeling drought inside me, like having a hole gaping. But then 'tis only but a dream.

And I finally said to myself. These poetic lie, these tear less cry. finally came to die.