Potty-Phobia

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I have a phobia of using public toilets. I don’t know why and I don’t know when it happened. I just hate them. The thought of millions of squishy bums sitting on the same toilet gives me shivers down my skinny, white back.

‘Corey’ Sam shouts, looking at me.

‘What?’ I yell, trying to communicate across the cafeteria full of millions of kids in our grade. It is so noisy it feels like we are at the zoo. I look past the wild animals and see Sam holding a giant burger! He runs over to me and grins, bearing all of his white, pearly teeth. He passes me a fork, and we start digging in.

The bell rings, telling us it’s time for period 5, the last period of the day. I dive into the classroom and take a seat next to Sam.

'Oh my GOSH!' Sam wines, 'I hate maths so much! Especially in last period'.

'Tell me about it', I reply. I take out my textbook, listening to the teacher talk in his 'ever so extremly boring' semi tone about triginometry. Eventually I tune out.

Everything is going fine until I feel a strange, tingling feeling in my stomach. I freeze in fright, like a pineapple popsicle. My stomach feel’s heavy, like somebody is putting 20 kilo weights on it. I try to ignore the pain, but the more I ignore it, the worse it gets. I know if I don’t go soon, my bum will explode and everyone will be covered in poo. I decide I can't stay any longer and I kick my chair back, making a huge screeching noise.

I hobble over to the teacher, and gasp ‘Can I please go to the toilet?’

The teacher nods in approval, and I fly down the hallway to the men’s toilet. I barge through the door like a hurricane. I can feel the short, spiky hair on my back straighten up like a million tiny poles. I walk into the torture chamber, slowly, as if I am walking towards my death bed, and lock the door. I slowly tug at my pants, and they fall in a small, clustered heap at my feet. I lower my bare pale bottom to the toilet seat. I feel a sigh of relief as the poo explodes in the toilet.

I don’t feel bad now. Maybe I have gotten over my fear of toilets. I smile and feel proud of myself. I reach my hand over to the toilet paper roll and go to grab a piece of toilet paper. But there’s none there. I swivel my head round so hard that my neck clicks. The brown, toilet paperless paper roll is sitting there, laughing at me. I thought things couldn’t get any worse.

Suddenly, an Idea pops into my brain. My jumper! I rip my jumper off my body and use it as toilet paper. Yucky and mucky poo colours my ugly, blue jumper a dark, chocolate brown. I sigh in relief and stuff my jumper in my bag. I flush the toilet and rush out to the locker room and put my bag in my locker. I am just about to head back to class when a cold wind blasts through the open window and a shiver bolts down my spine. I grab out my jumper and put it on. I feel a squelchy, slimy substance on my neck. As soon as the horror hits, I start to scream. I can't go back to class now! I climb out the open window and battle the wind all the way home.

The key in my bag is grabbed and I unlock the house. I sigh of relief and pop into the shower. The smell finally disappears. After my warm, comforting shower, I grab a huge bottle of soft drink and slurp until my mouth is sore. I feel so much better. What a horrible day! I turn the tv on and listen to the characters from Nemo explore the great ocean. What a life! I start to feel a bit drownsy and I put my head on the lounge arm....

“Corey, wake up! We need to go shopping!!’ yells my mum from outside, startling me. I jump out of bed, grab my snap back hat and race to the car. We pull up outside the shops 3 minutes later, and we start to walk towards Coles. I start to pounder whether I should buy strawberry nesquik or banana nesquik when suddenly, I feel a tight feeling in my bladder. The pain is becoming more and more intense. I gasp, and the hairs on my back stand straight like a million little poles.

“Mum” I gasp, “I need to pee”. And I rush off towards the public loos.

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 29, 2013 ⏰

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