The Days Of Kelsea's

(34) Kelsea - Friday 22nd September, 1.15 pm, School library

(34) Kelsea - Friday 22nd September, 1.15 pm, School library

I'm on lunch break. Demi is doing some art and I said I wanted to go and take a book out, but really I just felt I needed to write. Today hasn't been that great. Neither was yesterday, really. Or the past week, to be honest.

The last good day I had was Saturday, with Kale.

I feel really self-conscious, sitting here on my own and just writing. I went to the back of the library behind the section of books about religion and philosophy and that, because no one ever sits here and no one at this school seems to be interested in religion or philosophy at this school, which I find sad. But good, because it means no one will come and disturb me or stare at me or think I'm a weirdo.

This week has actually been quite busy. One thing's been on my mind all week, though. Ever since Saturday, I've been wondering whether to tell Demi about Kale and I.

I've been thinking; if Demi got involved with some gorgeous model-status boy then she would tell me about it. She would tell me as soon as she started spending time with him. Demi would tell me every detail, wouldn't she? I feel sort of awful. I haven't mentioned Kale once, and I don't know why.

Maybe it's because, I don't know - it feels nice to know something that she doesn't. That came out wrong. Oh, I don't know how to explain it.

Perhaps I haven't told her because she wouldn't like it. Maybe she'd think I was going to leave her. Or she could suddenly want to try and get a boyfriend to compete with me.

No. I don't think that's why I haven't told her. You know, I have no idea why I haven't told her. I can't help but think about Kale and what he'd think if I didn't tell her. When he realises Demi doesn't know. I'd be offended if he didn't tell his friends purposely.

Hold on - maybe he hasn't told his friends, either. I mean, it would be kind of embarrassing to go from dating those Malibu Barbies he did before, to me. Plain Kelsea Richardson, who has only been to as many parties that she can count on one hand.

In that case, we would be even.

I've been trying not to think about it too much, though.

Lucy hasn't been talking to me much recently. She comes in straight from school and rushes up the stairs, going into her room and shutting the door behind her. I don't know what has triggered this - maybe Christianna has been teaching her how to be a proper teenager. I remember how I used to say to Lucy how she was such a goody-too-shoes and I wish that she'd grow up. Now she seems to have done, but in a way I never wanted.

I always hated that saying but God, it's so true right now - "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."

Stupid stupid stupid stupid

Yesterday something really weird happened with her, though. We walked to the bus stop and Lucy seemed to be fine - I was telling her about how we did A Midsummer Night's Dream when I was her age in English but she's doing Twelfth Night instead. And she was probably bored but Lucy does this awesome thing where she listens to everything someone says, even if she thinks it's a load of rubbish and really boring.

She's like that, Lucy is.

When we got to the bus stop and the bus came and we showed our passes, I was still chattering on.

God, I've only just realised how /annoying/ I must be, sometimes. Lucy didn't have time to get a word in while I was harping on about Shakespeare.

But she definitely got a word in when she needed to - when we got on the bus and she stopped dead in the aisle and said we had to go on another bus.