Desires of the Crown

31 - Cold Chills of Fear

          Alliar

I stayed in Jonathan's room, outside the glass doors, watching the waves crash into the rocks and reading a book. The quiet and isolation does me good. It helps me think and process the recent events. At home my maid Jennifer would pester me whenever I asked her to leave me alone. She would poke and prod, constantly asking me if I wanted something and telling me I shouldn't be down even when I wasn't. In the end she would run off and tell my mother my mind was ill. It appeared I had to be ill to want to be left alone in the silence. My new maid that cleans my room and helps me dress has a similar attitude and refused to leave me when I asked her to leave me. So instead, I picked up my skirts and retreated to the one place I knew I would never be disturbed - or, at least not for a time anyways. Jonathan's shadow knight Duncan was watching his door during the day as the two typically there - Horick and Gillian - were resting. Duncan stepped out of the shadows to introduce himself to me and told me to call out if I needed anything before opening the door and allowing me through.

There was a knock on the door and it opened instantly without waiting for a reply. Duncan walked to the door of the porch and caught my attention. "Little Miss," he bowed. "Princess Ashiar wishes to see you in the library."

I nodded my thanks and put my book down on the chair and made my way towards the library. As I entered I was shocked to find the Princess seated on the couch with the rest of the girls.

"Oh Miss, join us." She waved me over and the girls made room for me.

Hesitantly, I took a seat and threaded my fingers together before placing them in my lap.

It was a strange mixture of reactions from the girls. Many paid me no mind as if I were completely irrelevant, some freely glared in my direction, while others blushed and looked away as if they were embarrassed for me. I knew some of the girls had spoken to Jonathan. I had heard their giddy voices as they spoke, telling the other girls they had a lengthy conversation and he showed genuine interest in them. I also know from Nicolai's inability to shut up that those lengthy conversation were filled with clenched fists and eye rolls.

A part of me felt sorry for the girls. They were trying to win the affections of a man who I've concluded has the emotional range of a flee. Basic and primal and nothing more. But another part of me hoped they wouldn't give up and that one of them did win his affections, then maybe he would let me go and I could find my way back home. Sure I would be a ruined princess, but then I would be with my family have the chance to make a life for myself, a happy one. Maybe I would teach my nieces and nephews how to ride a horse or how to evade their guards? I smiled at the idea.

"Now ladies, I'm sure you've all heard." Ashiar began. "We will be holding a ball here at the end of the month and I thought you ladies would enjoy helping me with some preparations."

I internally groaned and tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. I had done plenty of these before with my mother and it seemed I would never escape them, even when I was no longer even a princess. The last ball I had helped plan, I had tripped over one of my more extravagant dresses and fell into a row of materials that then continued to rip and fall until the last one fell out the window it was once leaning against. My mother had never asked me to help again.

I wondered if Princess Ashiar would learn the same lesson a similar way?

The girls around me all smiled brightly and gushed at the prospect of a ball. Maybe there was something wrong with me? Maybe it was a womanly ability to enjoy a ball and I had somehow displaced it?

"Is there a particular reason for the ball, your Highness?" Bethamy questioned. "Like an engagement of some sort."

A few girls gasped and covered their mouths while other openly gossiped. Was she anticipating a proposal? If Jonathan was going to choose anyone of these girls I prayed it wasn't her.