I would like to think I am getting better,
Or to not be plagued by nightmares
I don't want to drive others away just because of how my past self has shaped me
I want to believe that people care
I want to feel their affection surround me,
But when they assure me that I am loved, I can't see any of it
It's quite pathetic that I get this shitty as often as I do
When half my friends get hit, too
Or have had a childhood from Hell
I wish I could appreciate my situation
And be thankful of all the times people were there for me,
But I often fantasise of my demise
And a premature ending
I wish all the wishes I made had come true before I had gone this far
Because as of right now,
I want to see how my life might start
Before I become irrational again
And I'm so scared of disappointment
That I'd rather create an immediate ending, right here, right now
