DIary

Im not writing a story I just wanted to put down whats in my head and who ever reads this i would love for you to give feed back. I am truly lost in life and its to the point where I dont want to be here anymore. So here goes...........

Growing up i was never really happy. I got picked on at school and at home. I never fit in any where, I didnt have nice clothes and my hair was not long. I was a easy target for my school mates and my brothers and sisters. I have alot of brothers and sisters. Well they are related to me by blood I wouldn’t really call them my brothers and sisters because they never acted like it. They were meaner to me then the people at school. They were my first bullies in my whole entire life. You might think im over exaggerating but im not. One held my head under water and tried to drown me and she always say i was a mistake. Two of them just thought they were better than me and never paid any attention to  me. One was just so evil you wouldn’t believe it. She dont care about no one in the family. I use to like the one that was closet to my age but now she turned into one of them so i dont like her anymore. My brothers they never liked me so I dont have much to say about the way they treated me except that my eldest brother tried to kill me by hanging me out the window. I know you think thats horrible but I was a baby so i dont remember. What was horrible about it was the way i found out. My sister that hates me the most screamed thats everyone hated me since I was a baby and  then she said what he did to me so i asked my mom and she said he did it because he was jealous. Thats not really and excuse though. I got over it though well I think I did. Its just annoying that my own family hates me. Well idk if my little sister hates me. I love my little sister. She has a horrible attitude but all of us do but hers is the worst. Shes only 13 though so maybe it will get better. I think me and my little sister attitude comes from living with our mother. We were the last two in the house and it was hell. All i wanted to do was run away because my mom dont listen and she always try to play the victim like we always did something her. Thats kinda why i try my best to be there for my little sister because no one was there for me. I know what she probably going through and i dont her to feel that way. I wouldnt say my mom was a bad mom i would just say that she is very selfish. Growing up it seemed like all she cared about who she can get the most money from or gifts. I think i began disliking my mom when we stayed with my aunt. This kid in middle school gave me a burnt 20 dollar bill i showed my mom because I was excited. You know what she did she took it and sent me to my room as if I did something wrong. She acted like she was mad. I told her where i got the 20 from and asked can i have it back she said nope So she wasnt mad at anything she just wanted the money and thats said. Thats not the only time she took my money. I went on a trip with my church to Florida. They gave me alot of money for food and gifts and stuff. On the way home I thought I lost it but when I got home it was in my suit case and like a idiot i showed my mom because I thought I lost the money and I was happy it was in my suitcase. She said give it here and I was like nooo why do I have to give you my money and she said because I said so and i said no again. She said Im going to use the money to pay for your book you lost school so I gave it to her. You know what she did ? Not pay for my book. You know how I know because I had to find some money to pay for my book myself or I couldn’t move on to the next grade. I found out my mom was a liar and greedy. So by that time I was 14 or 15 and I met this boy. Man I feel so in love with him. He was my everything and my mom tried her hardest to keep me away from him but not because she was doing her motherly job its because she was most likely jealous that I had found a good boyfriend. The first thing he ever told me about his family is that his mom was fake so dont tell her anything. I laughed at him because I thought he was just joking but come to find out he was telling the truth. I regret meeting his mom I wish I didnt know her at all. That might sound shady but let me tell you why. At fist she was all nice to me and buying me stuff but then I moved in with her for the summer and for some odd reason his older brother didnt like me but I didnt really care and then his younger brother started having problems with me because of he say she say. Naturally his mother didnt care she just let them do what ever his youngest brother destroyed my clothes and hair products , like what ever he can get his hands on his mother said nothing and neither did my boyfriend. Come to think of it my boyfriend never stuck up for me at all when his family did some messed up stuff to me. It just hurts my soul because I love him more than life. He said he loved me more than anything so why couldnt he defend me. I came to forgive his younger brother because I just got over it but for his oldest brother I dont think I will ever like him. He never did anything to me personally but pushed me before but thats it. I will never like him because he did some messed up stuff till my boyfriend and the youngest brother and his mom. Even though I dont like his mom his brother was still bogus. Now back to his mom. I know many people think its dumb not to like your boyfriend mom but let me tell you everything she did to me and see if you change your mind. First of she talked about like a dog. I talked about her too but thats after me hearing all the horrible shit she said about me. She told my boyfriends cousin that I was weird and retarded when his cousin asked what was i like. Now i been in this womans house like everyday and she never once told me she didnt like me at all so why would she tell his cousin that I was weird and retarded. I met his family and I liked them all I didnt say not one bad thing about them. Even his older male cousins they were like kinda mean but I didnt say nothing about them I thought they were cool. I really like his aunt and I told my boyfriends mom that her sister is so nice and cool so you know what she did. She went and told his aunty that I said that she cant never come to my house when me and my boyfriend get one. That was a complete lie I never said one bad word about his aunty I liked his aunty alot but she was mad at me because she believed her sister. I wanted to tell her all the bad things her sister had said about her and her children but I didnt. I didnt want to be like his mom. I mean she told me horrible things about his aunt. Like she was saying that his aunt always thought her kids was better than her kids and that she always changed her life around the dude she was dating. She said she even changed her eating habits because her boyfriend told her too. She also told me that she gave her sister a car when her sister didnt have one and her sister gave it away to her boyfriend and said something else happen to it. So im pretty sure she told his family some other stuff about me if she talk about her own sisters. She even was telling about her sister who didnt seem like anything was wrong with her marriage. She told me that her sister husband had been cheating on her since they was young and when she told her sister that her and her sister got to fist fighting. She even told her friend about how her sister husband cheats on her and how he still got another woman. Why would you tell people about your sister husbands cheating. I should have learned right there that this lady was no good and she always told me not to tell them what she said either. Here's a more recent one she did. Im pretty sure she told my boyfriends baby mama I said something or asked something about her but I cant remember if I did or not  but im pretty sure I didnt. So now this girl os mad at me over some bullshit. I dont care that she dont like thats just another name on the list but the fact is she was fake smiling in my face when she didnt like me. My problem is that his mom did all this shit to me and for what reason I aint never did anything to her. Im good ass girlfriend to her son so why cant she be happy . Why she trying to ruin our relationship.

I have alot more to say but im pretty tired so I will upload more later.