Innocence → camren / oneshot

Alive

A/N: This is a oneshot based on a finished story that I plan on publishing here in Wattpad. Give it a vote or leave some feedbacks; that'd be very appreciated! :)

***

The rain was coming in thick droplets again. They always greet her on that certain day of the month. July: the month that she succeeded on getting her heart; her heart which was locked in a cage that could never be opened by anyone but her; her heart that was as cold as the winter season. Yes, she was able to win her heart, but still, she was never hers. She could never be hers.

Camila backed away from the window carefully, her hands stretched to the back and her palms wide open, as if they were shields that she made for herself. Today, she wanted them to be together and give each other warmth to keep the coldness away. But where was she? She was nowhere to be found. Once again, she must be with the person that she was talking to in her phone. Her words were as clear as crystal. Let's meet tomorrow. Seven o'clock sharp. Same place.

That time, Camila wondered if she forgot about their special day. But then, she remembered the words that she'd always tell him when they were together. The only thing that she could do was sigh and whisper all her frustrations to the air. Each day was a different man or woman. Each day was a different kind of pain to her heart. Each day was her being useless. Each day... was her missing her every day.

Feeling her hands touching the cold surface of the wall behind him, Camila turned to her right and started walking. Slowly. Carefully. Do not hit anything. Avoid accidents. A few more steps and she's sure that she was in front of the door now. She reached one hand towards the wooden door and felt its surface in one caress. It was still dry. She was not home yet.

Again, she sighed.

She backed away from the door and just remained standing there with her hands idly resting on her sides. Soon after, she heard the clicking of the door and she knew that she was home. She could smell her familiar scent, the familiar footsteps and the way it would vibrate with each step she took. She was home, and she was glad.

"Lauren," she called out for her, turning her body towards the direction where she assumed she was standing at. The woman looked at her with an unreadable expression. She loved Camila, but at the same time, she didn't. Sighing, she stepped towards her and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. "I'm back, Camila," was all she said before walking to the bedroom.

It was just a simple kiss, and even though it was still lacking, Camila was already satisfied with it. Even the fact that she's here in the house with her was enough to make her happy. It didn't matter if she forgot about their anniversary. What mattered was that she was home and safe.

Again, she felt so useless. A blind woman like her loving an assassin... it was nothing but a cliché drama to some. Although Lauren would tell her that she should worry not since she's an expert in her job, she couldn't help but worry. No matter how great you are, you make mistakes and Lauren, albeit well-trained and great in what she was doing, was still a human; mistakes could happen. If only she was granted the honor to see even for just one day, or if she was allowed to ask for much, she'd ask God to make her see for eternity.

She wanted to protect her. She wanted to be the one who'd protect her this time around.

A tear fell from her eye. The latter was impossible. She was born blind. She will die blind, and she'll never be able useful in this world. Not even to the woman that she loved.

"Camila?" a voice interrupted her bitter thoughts and she quickly wiped the tear from her cheek. She turned to where her voice came from and licked her drying lips. "Y-Yes? Are you hungry? I made you dinner just in case you'd come home late and tired... and hungry."

"That's not the reason why I'm here."

"Oh," she blinked twice and nodded her head gingerly. There were no words heard from Lauren once again but she felt her tugging her towards somewhere. Still, Lauren was careful for Camila not to hit anything. Once inside, Lauren guided them both to the bed and laid their bodies across the bed, head on chest, and arm on stomach. Camila slowly wrapped her arms around her body, pulling her closer to her to seek for the warmth that she'd been longing for since earlier that morning.

"I saw you crying."

She swallowed.

"Did you think that you could keep it a secret from me?"

"W-What secret?"

Lauren sighed.

"I know you're hurting. I know it. I can see it in your eyes. I know that you love me, and I'm really thankful for that. No one had loved me like you did and no one has ever made me feel safe and comfortable. No one but you, you know that, right?" Lauren paused for a while to look up to her. Camila was just looking up to the ceiling, but she knew that she was listening. "But... you know that I'm a broken soul, right? I went through a lot and I don't think that I'd be able to love like you do. I'm an assassin. I kill for money. I kill without blinking an eye. I kill without hesitation. I am not meant to love someone. And this... this is what I can only give to you. I already told you, right? I can't be locked down. I have to ... keep on moving. I just... I'm sorry that I can't love you."

By then, Camila's eyes were welling up and soon, healthy droplets of tears were rushing down her cheeks, but she was soundless because she didn't want to make Lauren worry some more. Her heart was breaking into pieces, but still, she was soundless.

"I know," she breathed out. "I know. I understand you. That's why I'm not forcing you to stay with me. But I'll always be here for you no matter what. My love for you will stay the same, and no matter where you go, when you feel lost and lonely, I'll always be here. I'll be your home. I'll be the one who'll understand you and your pain. I never judged you and I never will. It's okay if you won't be able to return my love... as long as I know that you're safe and alive... I'm fine with it already."

She remained silent after her litany, and a smile slowly appeared on her face. "Happy anniversary, Camila. Thank you for everything."

She sniffled and nodded, forcing a smile at the corner of her lips. "Happy anniversary, Lauren. I... I love you."

She was continuously crying despite her words, but Lauren wasn't. She felt hurt because everything that she said was true, and happy because she was glad that she'd found her home and that she knew that she loved her, but no tears were spilled because that's just how she was.

She was satisfied by knowing that she was hers and no one could ever take her Camila away from her.

And for Camila... she's just glad that she's alive, laid on her chest. 

Alive.