Out of the place 11:23 pm
"What are you plans?" Asked my mom.
"Uh, to live with you.." I said.
"Kenzie, I refuse to live with you, you take hot everything on me and treat me like shit, you make me feel guilty and blame me for the past."
Well Who the fuck else would take the blame for you mistakes? Anyways..
"What are you talking about? 'Where am I supposed to go?" I said.
"I can't live with you Kenzie" she answered.
"Mom, I'm your kid, you can't just not let me live with you!" I argued back.
"You treat me like a punching back (incorrect) and I don't want to have to deal with driving you to school and waking you up in the morning it's to stressful on me!" She yelled back.
"So, you're giving up on me..again..what?" I said, my throat tightening.
"No I'm not and I never had. I love you." She answered untruthfully.
"I can't believe, how, dad moved to Michigan." I said hurt present in my voice.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything else, I get it." I snapped back.
"Okay kenzie, take care." She said, then i heard *click*.
When you hear the word abandonment or disowned, you don't really understand the full potential of that word until the definition appears in your life, when the words come out of there mouth and you can physically feel your heart sink, emotionally feel your heart crack.
That feeling you get before the drop in a roller coaster, that word you've been trying to remember comes to you, when you look at the sky and see through all the hatred of the world, that was my feeling when my mom disowned me.
I sometimes wonder what i'td be like, living with her and living how she likes. I bet I would go insane I can barely handle her membrane. She's crazy and stressed and overly dressed, yet to impress no one but not less. Her desire to add to my fire fuels higher than I've ever admired. She makes me sad and makes me mad she makes sure that I'm never more higher, higher than her own aspire to make sure my life's a big pile of tired, tiredness screams from my pours, wishing and wishing to leave through the doors, I think about her own souls fire and that gives me hope that her selfish heart will no longer add to my fire. She's a sorry hire that anyone would fire, I'm not being mean I'm just being stronger. I let you push me around, tape up my frown and take down my crown. Made me feel like a sad used clown, advising that I should not swim, drown.
I don't want this to be about pity, first world problems and her own stupidity. I want this to open your eyes that not every girl has there own soft ride, that some have a rough time, still breathing but not alive. I write out my feeling instead my eyes, no tears will come out to my dad's surprise, he says he wants me but I'm a sure it's all lies. I write these poems to make sure I don't cry. You can't hurt me, I've already tried.
(Poem coming next chapter.)
