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does he exist?

"can i ask you a question?" i asked him after i felt him shift next to me. his arms wrapped around my waist, nothing new. "what is it?" he muttered while burying his head in my neck, i moved a bit to make myself comfortable. "does god exist?" i questioned, his head popped up, i looked at him, "why are you asking?" he asked me, i looked back at the wall. "just wondering," i answered, his fingers ran through my hair.

"depends on your belief, if you do believe then yes, and if you don't," he took a pause for a moment, "then he doesn't, but i wonder what's going on through your head," he asked giving me a soft peck on my forehead. today he's awfully nice, guess he was satisfied last night. "just wondering, i was contemplating my religion, since we go to a religious school," i mumbled looking back at him, he had nice looks. his eyes were a carbon copy of mine, his jawline semi-sharp as ever, and the way his hair flopped to his forehead when undone was nice.

"ah, what's this for? a project i don't know about?" he questioned, now our positions different from a moment ago, he pushed me on my back while he held himself on top of me. "yeah, sorta," i answered looking up at him. this was normal, it's a typical morning.

"sorta?" he questioned leaning closer to kiss my neck. thank god i didn't have to smell his morning breath. "it's not a project, just an essay we have to follow up on," i muttered not moving nor rejecting his affection.

"is it about that movie we watched in class?" he whispered in my ear, he rested on his elbows while his right hand caressed my thigh. it sent shivers down my spine... not in the good way.

"yeah, that, we're supposed to focus on the concept of God existing in every part our lives... but how do i know he's even real?" i questioned, ignoring his touch for a moment, "we learn about him in catholicism everyday... but how do we know it's real?" i questioned, his fingers now separating the lips hiding my clitoris. my body heated up for a second.

"it's all about belief, that's what we learn about," he muttered now playing with it. my breathing hitched for a moment, his hard on pressed against my hand. i touched it, feeling the tip. nothing new... all normal... right? i could feel him shiver under my touch, how does he enjoy this?

"if god were real, he would banish us to hell that's for sure," he stated, looking at me smiling, "yeah, but then again, if we don't believe, then is there really hell to consider?" i said while he moved his fingers, grabbed my hand, and placed it above my head.

"i guess your right, then doing this wouldn't be a sin, guess we won't have to confess to father francis about our actions today," he whispered sliding the tip inside me.

"it'll be our secret, like it always is," i muttered back while he kept on pounding me. was this all normal? was this experience okay under the eyes of god?

i mean why would he let it continue if it were so wrong? "wrap your legs around me," he demanded and i obeyed... like i always did, he picked us up. his hands gripped my ass with all his desire, my back now towards my wall. i didn't know why i couldn't enjoy this the way he did. maybe deep down i know god is looking down on me frowning.

"they'll be home today for the week until they leave again," he said to me looking deep into my eyes. i wrapped my arms around him, "will you miss me?" i questioned. he nodded, "how could i not miss being inside you for that long?" he questioned. we stayed like this for awhile, "will you miss me?" he asked me.

truth be told, i will never miss this, but he should never know that.. "of course i will," i answered, playing with his hair. having him inside me felt disgusting. i felt like rotting inside but it was a feeling i was so sadly used to.

"maybe i should sneak into your room every night until they leave," he said and i smiled, i had to fake it. "we'll get caught?" i questioned. "should we risk it?"

"maybe, i'll lie and say you've been having nightmares," he added on, he's my living nightmare. i wanted him out of me yet he kept on talking.

"i don't want to be out of you yet, what should i do?" he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes. i used to love that look whenever we would try to share an ice pop, i would always give into him... maybe that's why he takes advantage.

"we'll be late for school," i said and he rolled his eyes. "right, okay," he pouting now kissing me while taking me back to the bed. slowly but surely we were done.

we were finally done having sex, filth. i wanted to crawl into a hole and die. he wanted to get ready in the shower meaning he wanted more of me. i reminded him of the time and he let me be. i couldn't wash him off... at least not fully. i could only shower for ten minutes since he decided to take longer to finish.

i wanted to crawl into an abyss and hide forever. somewhere he could never find me but one can only dream. "remember, i don't want to see you flirting with anyone else," he told me while i was eating an apple. i nodded, "well you don't flirt with anyone else," i joked knowing he was in a good mood.

"you're the only one that has my eye," he said confidently, i kept the smile on my face, but on the inside my heart was already ripping. i don't want to be the only one. his creepy obsession with me will be the death of me.

"let's go," he pulled me to the front door. now we'll pull off the ultimate act of being the best... around each other.

-

i'm rewriting this story, it's pretty fucked up lol— i'll be changing a few things here and there.

ain't gonna spoil it just yet but it may be a justin bieber fanfic, depending on the direction i'm heading.

i hope those of you who read my story before (before this change / re-editing) will join me again on this journey of a changing the concept. i was too young when i wrote it & also... it was so cringe... this is why i'm rewriting it.

slowly but surely i will update.

thank you for all your support!

- celestuals 🌙