He Chose Me (An Andy Biersack And Kellin Quinn Love Story)

A Turn For The Better.

"I had to see you." He explained, but that wasn't good enough for me. "You just expect to walk up here after a year of you being gone with no explanation as to why you left, and everything to be okay? Well, let me tell you, it's not okay. I'm still mad at you for leaving, I'm still mad at me for still being in love with you even now, and I'm still mad at the world for ever making me fall so in love with that I lost all independency that I had." I ranted. This seemed to affect him greatly, as a tear slipped down his cheek. "I'm so, so, so sorry that I left you. I felt like I was only an issue to all of you. Everything bad that kept happening to you was because of me. It never would have happened to you if we hadn't been together." He tried hard to give an excuse that was worth being forgiven. "Wow, Andy, is that what our relationship was to you? Then maybe you're right, maybe we shouldn't have been together. The way I see it is that you saved me from my father, gave me the opportunity to live my dream with my best friend, brought all of these wonderful people into my life, but most importantly, you showed me the most valuable, indescribably amazing but also painful and horrid feeling that I have ever known. You showed me love. I was and still am uncontrollably in love with you, and I sat here for this past year just hoping that one day you would come back, or call or something, but you know what? Now that you are standing in front of me again, all I can feel is the hate and pain that you have caused me to carry with me in this past year." He was now full on sobbing from my words, but I couldn't feel bad for what I said because even though it hurt him it was true and he needed to hear it.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet up with Carson, you know, the guy who replaced you in the band." I said pushing past him to find where Carson was. As I walked away from Andy who I turned to see, wiping his tears away while he talked to Jake who was now standing in my tour bus door way, I began to feel the anger wash away and the pain settle in. I didn't let the tears out until, I was in Carson's arms, but as soon as I was there I sobbed violently, muttering explanations as Carson tried his hardest to understand why I was so distraught. "A-a-andy I-I-I-s-s b-bac-k-k." I spoke belligerently. Carson got what I was saying though. He held me tighter, and I just cried until my eyes wouldn't let me cry anymore. I could feel my heart breaking, which was funny, because I had thought it was already  shattered.

~*~

There's this funny thing that people say when they're trying to make excuses for why they ended up heart broken, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I quote to myself, confused, betrayed and very empty. He doesn't realize how bad it is, what he did to me. He gave me everything and then ripped it all away on the stupid idealism that he was the cause of my suffering. One thing I can be thankful for through all of this is that I have come to terms with myself. I have learned things about my strength. I learned that even though I needed a little shove, I don't need someone, in this case Andy, to succeed in the dreams that I've always reached for. I learned that even when you're at your lowest, life goes on and you have to make the best of it.

Life doesn't hand you things. You get what you've worked for and you work for what you get and what you've got. So, for that, I guess I am grateful to him. I also got musical inspiration out of this, I wrote my heart into many melodies out of hurt and agony. I smile at the silver lining that weighs down every cloud of misfortune. I pour myself a beer, looking at the empty top half of the glass. "This glass is half full." I chuckle to myself in a bitter-sweet rare form that I find myself in, every now and again.

"Would you die tonight for love? Baby, join me in death." My phone rings, letting me know that one of my best friends in the whole world is calling.

"Ville!" I answer with a cheerful smile.

"Hello vauva, how is my beautiful girl on this fine day?" Ville's Finnish accent rings through the receiver, bringing new life to my depressed existence.

"I'm doing better now that you've called. Life's been quite rocky in late." I sighed, not wanting to worry him but knowing that he'd want to know.

"Care to elaborate, my love?" Ville asks, his voice taking on a worrying tone.

I explained to him, everything that has happened from Jake telling me that he loves me, to Andy coming back and me writing new songs.

He sighs deeply, making me miss him, "I am so sorry that love has treated you so foul in this past year. I know how it feels to find yourself empty after being forced into a pain that will never fully heal. Time works miracles on broken hearts, but there will always be cracks in your reflection from the wrong doing of others. It pains me that I haven't been there to ease your pain, my dear." He spoke poetically, like he always does. I miss him dearly.

"I really miss you, Willa." I pouted, knowing that he can't see it, but will know what I'm doing, for he knows me better than I know myself.

"I know, Enkeli. I miss you too, more than you could ever know, but I do have good news." He informed me, sounding sad at first, but his voice taking a turn for the better when he mentioned good news.

My mood lightened slightly at the sound of this, "What is it?" I inquired.

"Me and the guys are going on a United States tour, and I'd like to know if you'd like to join us, seeing as your tour will be over soon." He informed me ecstatically. I jumped for joy, screaming with excitment. Ville laughed at my happiness.

"I must go now though, vauva. Mige, Gas and I have an interview. I love you, Enkeli. I will call you tonight." He finished.

"I love you too, Willa. I will be waiting for your call." I replied.

We said our goodbyes and once I hung the phone up, I immediately ran to tell my band of the great news, pushing all thoughts of Andy to the back of my mind.