Please, Stay.

chapter eight//whats going on?

an: depression sucks and I hate it. like I hate having to lie to people so they don't worry about me.

Josh

after Tyler's mom dropped me off at home that day, I felt a small bit of hope, knowing that he was okay, at least for now. I soon began doing regular things, like eating. It had been a week or more since I'd last eaten, and it felt nice to eat something without throwing it up right after. I was still worried sick, but I could sleep at least an hour or two each night, before I would wake up from a reoccurring nightmare about Tyler. The dream was always the same,
Tyler swallowed the pills, and he was in the hospital. When I go visit him, he's in a
coma still, but suddenly he jerks awake, sitting straight up, and then snapping his own neck, and falling back into the bed. Each and every night it would happen, and it would wake me, leaving me too shook to go back to sleep. I've been falling asleep around 4, to wake up at 6 after the dream. I wanted to start to go back to school, as I'd been out for nearly 2 weeks. Today was Saturday, and I decided to try to go back on Monday. I had talked to my mom about it, and she said that was probably best, it could take my mind off of Tyler. I told his mother that I wanted to see Tyler again soon, and she said that she was going back on Friday next week, and she can bring me after school. I gladly accepted the offer, just wanting to get through the week so I could see my baby again. I missed him, all the nights we had spent talking, and the days too. I missed it all, I missed seeing him every day the most.
By the time Monday came around, I was not ready for school but regardless, I got on the ugly yellow bus. The first day was a drag, everything moving in slow motion. My friends had avoided me, and I couldn't be more thankful. By the time it was Wednesday, I was so drowned in school work that I couldn't think of anything else. My mom was right, school really could get my mind off of him. I had finished most of my missed work in study hall on Tuesday, just a paper or two left waiting. I trudged through the week, praying Friday could come faster, all I wanted to do was see my baby. It was Thursday, and I was about to leave my last class of the day when the teacher called me up to his desk.
"Josh? Are you okay? you seem so.. out of it recently."
"yeah, just distracted with school work" I laughed it off, hoping he would let me go.
"Josh, I know what happened with Tyler. and it's awful, i know, but you need to focus, okay?"
I agreed, just so I could get out of the classroom. The next day went by quickly, and soon enough I was in Mrs.Josephs car, on the way to see Tyler. When we arrived, we told the women at the front desk why we we're here, and she directed us to the room. We were walking, not yet 3 feet away from the room, when 5 or 6 doctors ran by us, running into Tyler's room as fear filled me. The only words I could hear were Tyler's voice, saying
"what's going on?"