Vulnerable Minds

Vulnerable Mind

Chapter 1

Awakening from unconsciousness, I was surrounded by the pale cream walls and the flat smell of hospital. People swarmed around me like they were released from their bees nest expecting answers; asking why. Blubbering from the tube lozenged down my throat I gave them none. The rapid sounds of heart monitors and scurrying feet never felt so silent.
Out of all the voices I could hear the most familiar pierced through the muffle. Mum sounded frightened. She looked me in the eyes and through the green reflection I saw myself. How pathetic of me; a blubbering mess with a tube stuck down my throat just because of a voice. The voice of a cold, poisoning creature.
But at least it's gone now, I just wish I was too.

Chapter 2

Melissa and I left the college after a lengthy evening of reading cheesy lines and singing songs about happiness and laughter.
We laughed our whole way down the road and were overjoyed to have each other arm in arm. I never had wished for anyone quite as special to be with me in that moment.
We slammed the doors on either side and were ready to set off home from the concrete jungle and roaring sirens of London.
Approaching the traffic lights we grounded to a halt. We were as chatty as chickens in a hen house. Then, when green said go, we crossed the cross road.
Then, a crash. The car spun. Glass shattered.
My head is throbbing, black dots invade my vision, my car was painted red with blood. However, in all of my personal tragedies, I was conscious; Melissa was not.
"Melissa wake up," tears streamed down my face.
"Come on, please." I said, shaking her gently.
The ambulance arrives, wading through the treacle of the crowd formed. Soon enough, we were ushered to hospital.
My wounds were mildly stitched up, the throbbing had stopped. The throbbing had changed to a throbbing of terror. The anticipation was unbearable, waiting for a sign that Melissa was okay.
Melissa's mum arrived. We shared our pain through a simple hug. Followed by my mum arrived shortly after.
The doctor loitered towards us with a disheartened facial expression.
"I'm sorry. The injuries were just too severe."
Melissa's hung her head in despair and cried like she lost a part of her far more scarring than a limb. Having my heart in my mouth, I knew it was time to leave the mournful family to say their farewells. I did not deserve to accompany such a peacefully heartbreaking scene.

Chapter 3

Although there was an inquest, everyone knew that is was a drunk driver. Yes he was fined; Yes he was in prison; But it still felt like I was at fault, I felt like I didn't do enough to save her. I was the one behind the wheel.
Even though people kept saying 'there was nothing more you could've done' or 'it wasn't your fault'; I was in complete denial.
A week had gone by and I am yet to step outside; I am yet to be fed; I am yet to rest. All because I am lead to believe that there is not justified reason why I deserve to.
If I were fully aware of the road I would've been able to swerve the other driver. Now my best friend is gone- and she's never coming back.

Chapter 4

It was the day of the funeral. As I had expected, hundreds of people were here to say their goodbyes. Melissa's family said beautiful eulogies far more heartbreaking than anything I could come up with. As I listened to Melissa's father abnormally pour his heart out I suddenly felt eyes on me like I was a prized prey. They probably are thinking about the elephant in the room- that it was my fault.
After the committal people started to approach me and said their sympathies- most commonly like;
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I know Melissa was like a sister to you."
Howeve in mid conversation, I was interrupted by a whisper;
"I bet she thinks it is your fault."
I stand there jerking my head from side to side discovering the owner of the whisper was no where to be seen.
"Sorry, I thought I heard something." I say, apologising for my bizarre behaviour.
"She doesn't care." the whisper bitterly claimed.
I peered round again, but to my re-discovery, no one was there.
Not too long after the funeral, the whispers had transitioned to a distracting murmurs. So confound that it has lead me to believe that continuing to go to college is not what I deserve. These murmurs tell me that I'm too stupid so as I am trapped within the walls of self pity and hatred, I decide to trap myself alone, in my room. Surrounding myself by beings no more real than them peering down at me through the poster papers between me and theatre.
"I'm your friend now." The murmur declares- speaking more clearly in this silence.
"I know." I say to the only voice willing to still call me a friend amongst my for lonesomeness.
"But it was your fault." It says abruptly. Little did it know, it would take more than that denunciation to make me feel so loathsome.

Chapter 5

After a hateful yet useless session of self harming I gawk at this villainous being staring back at me through the sheer reflective glass of insecurities. She once had an ebony polished pixie cut considered as an unmistakable saint but now has a distressing balding bowl cut succumbed from the constant frustration of agonising affliction. My eyes- which were once a flourishing chartreuse hue, now a faded moss colour- left to grow stale within the dehydrated walls of insignificance. The silence of my despair was too abnormal- the voice had to return to add to my misfortune.
"You should've died. No one likes you. They just did because you were with Melissa." There's my good friend- it wouldn't be a normal day with the loud, insufferable torment.
I turn away briskly from mirror and avoid being targeted from my mum as she approached the top of the stair.
As I slump back onto my unmade bed there is a knock at the door. She doesn't say anything to start with, until she is sat quite comfortably beside me.
"You know darling, I am really worried about you at the moment..."
"No she's not." The voice interrupts.
"You haven't been out in weeks. Have you even eaten lately? Look at your eyes..." Mother exclaims, pointing out the bags draped under my eyes. As she trails on down the road of criticism her voice is exchanged to a beclouded muffle- as If I were underwater to the outside world. Nevertheless, there is one voice will never be drowned.
"She has disowned you." It flared. "She can't stand you. She's only saying this so she can get you out of the house and lock you out. She doesn't want your pathetic shadow here anymore. Just do us all a favour and leave" disgusted by the idea of the possibility that this may be true, I yell:
"I am fine, Just leave me alone!"
I am now aware that I have risen against the feeling of drowning, only to find my self in the room roaring with the aftershock of my pain-inflicting outburst. My mums face has been flushed into a cold shade of breakdown. Her lip starts to quiver and she soars out of the room, followed by slam of the door- rippling the fact that I am guilty of being a curse to anyone remotely close to me.

Chapter 6

Ever since Melissa was brutally murdered the voice and evolved into something that was once unnoticeable, but is now merciless voice powered by the seduction to do thing I've never considered.
"Come on, it will be painless" It says with arrogance. "Like ripping off a plaster. The solution your headaches."
Out of weakness I desperately start to listen and contemplate. As the voice said, this will remove my headaches, and the solution to a headache is aspirin.
As I walk to the bathroom, every outtake of my breath are a breath of relief. Mum has 3 packets of aspirin currently, but if they have come to naught, they will have to be renewed.
I've bought some more for the finishing touches. Surely this is enough to finish the pain. Now the voice is talking to me in congratulatory tones, and I am starting to see the light shine through the windows, and I'm no longer sitting in gloom.
A few days later my more blissful behaviour had been noticed by my mother;
"I'm really proud of you, you seem much more like you self these past few days. You really have turned this around." Mother says pompously.
I nod at her as I reach for an apple to follow up with taking a bite.
"Haha wow that was unexpected" My brother chuckled. He has never taken anything seriously.
"There's my little Snow White." Father grins. Little did he realise, that when Snow White ate the apple, not long after she was to fall into a deep sleep. Much like my intentions- the only difference is that I don't want to wake up.

Chapter 7

My date with death is finally here. Mum, Dad and my brother, aren't around- I wish them so much luck with life, I know in the long term they will live a better life without my burden. I collect up all the pills- my cause of death, settle down the suicide note, breath in my last moments inside this empty house with a very crowded mind.
"You deserve this." The voice announces bluntly. "No one will remember you."
As I pick up the pills, my nerves rattled throughout my body, sending a shiver down my spine. A car outside pulls up to the driveway, I guess I don't even deserve to process my escape.
"It's now or never." The voice bursts out. "It will end your sorrows and miseries."
I hear the door shut and a call for my name.
"NOW!" The voice cries.
With not a second that can be taken back,
i force the pills down my throat.