White Alpha |h.s|

23. Time

Harry

I've finally snapped. Totally fucking lost it. I didn't know who I was anymore, Noelle was my anchor. Without her, I can't control myself. I'm angry 24/7, and I'm never home. My mom doesn't deserve to see me like this, I can't hurt her. Derek has been keeping me away from her, and she understands. Noelle is all the runs through my mind, my veins. The more I think about her, the angrier I get. The more I hate myself. It's pure torture.

Everything I said about Sage, I didn't mean. I don't know what came over me, but that day...I wasn't myself. That night, I ran and ran until my lungs were bursting out of my chest. I had never ran so far and for so long in my life.

It's been a month, and it's felt like a lifetime. I haven't seen Noelle in the same time, and she never comes over anymore.  Derek knows somethings wrong, and her mother is nearly heart broken. After today, I knew her heart was in pieces.

Derek wanted to get Jocelyn out of the house, so we took her to the beach. It was me, Derek, Jocelyn, Liam, and Niall. Louis and Sage were off doing whatever. It was a nice day, a little cloudy. Jocelyn and I were sitting next to each other, while Derek and Liam played football. She was talking to me about everything that came to her mind, until she suddenly stopped. I looked toward her, while she stared over my shoulder.

She lets out a huffy laugh, "That's funny...I thought I saw Noelle.." She shakes her head, and lays back in her chair. I swallow hard, and turn my head.  I see a short, extremely long haired blonde. She was very thin, and had a light tan. She stood in between a tall grey haired man, and a tall woman with long black hair. It couldn't have been Noelle. She's never dyed her hair, it was beautifully natural brown hair. The girl slowly turns, too quick for me to see her face.

If it was Noelle, I would have sensed her. It's a werewolf thing.

"Jocelyn, we've got a situation." Derek says, as he walks up with a terrified looking Liam. She sits up,

"What is it?" She asks as he sits down next to her. Liam stares toward the girl, I look at Derek. He sets his hand on her shoulder,

"It's Noelle..." He says, and looks toward the girl. My eyebrows furrow,

"It can't be her. I would have sensed her if she was near-"

He shakes his head, "That's the problem," He starts, swallowing. He was at a lost for words. I look back to the girl, as she stares at the water. Hugging herself, clad in skinny jeans, what looks like is white converse, and a black hoodie...my black hoodie. I feel my lungs deflate and my heart stop.

She turns at the call of her name, and I can finally see her face. It was her. But, it didn't look anything like the Noelle I knew. She was a ghost of herself. She had lost so much weight, so much muscle. I remember how small she was before the bite. But she's...so much smaller than that. She's beyond small. She's fragile.

Her face was pale, her lips a slight blueish color. She was freezing. Her eyes looked sunken in, and even though I sat so far from her...I could see everything clearly. Her throat was outlined much more, and her collar bones stuck out from the top of the hoodie. The hoodie, my hoodie, that was a dress on her. I almost reached her knees. Her legs were always small, but she never had a sickly gap between her thighs. There was nothing wrong with having one. But Noelle? Her body wasn't made to have one. It looked painful.

Her jaw was bone, and there was no extra chub anywhere in sight. Her hands, her fingers...bone. With my enhanced vision, I can almost zoom in on her. I see she's recently dyed her hair, I can almost smell the dye. It's professional. She doesn't have any makeup on, I can see the freckles that line her upper cheeks and nose. She didn't have many, but I knew where each one was.  I would always study them when she slept in my arms.

Her eyes were the saddest thing about her.

No longer their bright blue, they weren't brown, they were this extremely light blue. Like almost grey-ish. They looked drained, and exhausted. She seemed like she hasn't seen the outside world in while. I wouldn't know, because I dropped out of school. I had no choice, I was going to fail because I missed so many days. I wasn't going to repeat so...I just dropped out. I promised I'd get my GED. But I can't even bring myself to think properly, and now...

Seeing Noelle is this state...this...sickening state; how was I supposed to live, knowing I did this?

Her eyes meet mine, and my eyes widen. I wait for her pupils to grow, but they never. It's as if she saw right through me. As if I was a stranger. As if she had no idea who I was. And then she was gone. She just walked away from us, taking Bill's arm.

My throat releases a sob, before I can run after her, Liam holds me back with a tight grip, I feel tears stinging in my eyes, as the roll down my cheeks. I try to fight him, but I can't.

"Noelle!!" I scream out for her, I needed her so bad, "Noelle! Please!!" My throat burned, and my lungs cried,

"Harry, that's not her, mate...that's not the Noelle we know...she's gone." Liam tries to tell me, I just fight harder. She keeps walking away, as if she can't hear me. Was this a nightmare?

"She can't be gone! I can't loose her! Noelle! Noelle, please come back!" I can't finish my words, my voice is gone.

"Harry," Derek pulls me from Liam, he has tears in his own eyes, I shake my head at him,

"This is all my fault." I rasp in a whisper, Derek never lets a tear fall,

"That's not Noelle. They've brain washed her, and taken her power away. But listen to me," He holds me up, as I break down in front of him, "The Noelle that you know, the Noelle that you fell in love with, the Noelle you hurt...she's still there. Trapped, deep inside her heart. A place she's not able to reach." He tells me, and I wipe my face,

"What do we do?" I sob, looking around,

"More of what do you, do." I turn to face him. Jocelyn stands up, and she takes my hands. I swallow, and look down at her.

"Harry, sweetie," She starts, with sad brown eyes, "You're the only person who can reach that part of her heart, because you're the only person who's been there. You're the only person who knows where that is, because she let you in."

"But she hates me, she doesn't even know me." Voice quivering, I take a breath, "She just...looked right through me."

"I know, I know..." Her voice is calm, it soothes me slightly, "Harry, you know better than any of us combined. Even me," She swallows hard, "You know the words she craves and aches to hear, you know her every insecurity, you know things about her that she can't remember. You know things that only she think she knows. What you need to do, is get her alone. The full moon is in two days. Leave her a cute note on her window, and tell her to meet you in the woods. Say it's her secret admirer. Spill your heart out.." She ends, I swallow,

"What if it doesn't work?" I question, Jocelyn looks to Derek, and Derek looks to her.

"Well," He looks towards me, "Failure is not an option."

Authors Note

I'm so sorry I have not updated

I told you I suck at this whole plan thing lol

I hope this was worth it

even though this is the shittiest shortest chapter

I apologize

The picture is what Noelle looks like now, besides the happiness and healthiness lol

Wow thats bad

Alright

bye

Love,

mandy xx