These Four Words (SaPat & MaiChard Fanfic)

These Four Words

Sam never thought that everything will end today.

"Hindi ko maintindihan, Sam," Patricia told him as she paced, her mind racing with emotions. She needed to make sense of this. "Akala ko ba okay lang ang lahat? Na okay tayo?"

He clenched his fist, trying to strengthen his resolve. "Okay lang tayo, Pat. Kaso...hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko kayang sabihin iyung gusto mong marinig. I...I can't give you what you want. Ever."

Patricia froze, unshed tears stinging her eyes. Was she dreaming? Everything that is happening right now is not real, right? Right?

"I...I don't know what you're trying to say! Look, I love you," she cried out, moving closer to Sam. "I don't care about your past. You don't have to be afraid. I'm not going to leave you."

Sam shook his head before sighing heavily. "No, Pat. It's not that. I'm sorry but I can't say it back."

"Kaya kong maghintay. Kahit gaano katagal ang gusto mong panahon, ibibigay ko," she said, taking a step forward. Tears were already spilling from her cheeks but she ignored it. "'Wag lang nating tapusin ang lahat sa ganito."

"Pat, ayaw na kitang saktan," he said, smiling bitterly and taking a step back. "Pagod na rin ako. Let's just end this tonight."

The words he uttered burned his tongue. It wasn't easy to say goodbye, especially to her. But try as he might, he cannot deny that she was different from all the girls he met before.

He took a deep breath, trying to speak again, but he found himself speechless when he realized that Pat was already sobbing.

"Sa tingin mo ba, hindi ako nasasaktan ngayon? Kanina pa ako umiiyak, Sam! Durog na durog na ang puso ko. How can you possibly say that doing this will not break my heart?"

It wasn't easy for him to do this. It never was and it never will be. Sa tingin niya ba, gusto kong tumayo lang sa harap niya habang umiiyak siya? Hindi. Nasasaktan din ako. Nasasaktan ako dahil wala akong magawa. Because the moment he decides to hold her in his arms, he knew that he would not let her go.

I have to be cruel to end her misery because she deserves so much more and...that's not me.

"Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin? 'Wag mo ng sayangin ang luha mo sa akin," he said with a forced smile. "I'm not worth it, Pat. I never was and I never will be."

He's a playboy through and through. He knows that she doesn't really need him in her life. He couldn't find it in himself to actually speak or even assure her that he'll at least try to love her.

She gave a short laugh. "Who are you to tell me that you're not worth this pain? Who are you to tell me that you're not worth all these tears? We spent two years together, Sam. You're worth it...at least I thought you were."

He remained silent. I'm sorry, Pat. Paano ko naman sasabihin sa kanya na mahal ko siya kung hindi naman totoo? Kung alam ko naman na hindi ko kayang panindigan? It is better this way.

"I guess they were right. Tanga ako dahil naniwala ako na nagbago ka na. Tanga ako dahil umasa ako na baka...baka ako na iyung forever mo," she said brokenly, staring straight at him. "Bakit ko nga ba sinabing mahal kita? Wala namang halaga sa'yo iyon, 'di ba?"

Sam flinched. It matters to him. The words she just uttered. But he couldn't say those words back. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn't. That's why he's letting go. He'd rather be alone than stay in a relationship and hurt her every time he fails to say I love you.

"It's not easy, Pat," he gritted his teeth. "But you...you have to understand that I'm doing this because I have to."

"Why? Why can't you love me, Sam? May mali ba sa akin? May nagawa ba akong masama? Tell me!"